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Richard Gere might have hit Olivier Martinez with one of these

Last Christmas, my mother gave me a pair of heavy glass ornaments which she said were flower vases.

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They’re made of solid glass, there are etched images all around them and they’re really beautiful. And heavy. For some reason, my mother likes heavy ornaments. Like that solid agate flower vase that she gave me not too long ago which is so heavy I could knock out someone if I hit him on the head with it.

Now, these solid glass ornaments are much smaller than that agate flower vase. But they could be just as deadly. Remember how Richard Gere’s character accidentally killed Olivier Martinez’s character with a snow globe in Unfaithful? Well, these glass thingamajigs would have the same effect.

But then, of course, that’s not how I intend to use them. My mother said they were flower vases, after all. There was just one problem. No flower stem could go into them.

Why? Because, darn, they’re candlesticks, not flower vases.

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See where the bottom of the candles rest snugly? Now, what flower could anyone put in them when the hollow inside is so shallow? Meanwhile, standard sized candles fit into the hollows like hand in glove.

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Now that I’m sure what they are, even if Sam still insists that they’re flower vases (ang kulit!), I can use them. Beautiful, beautiful candlesticks than can double as murder weapons.

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