We got home last night from a 3-day trip to Tagaytay City. Some friends followed on the second day and spent a night in the same hotel. My brother and his family arrived on the third day. Yesterday, the third and last day, we all had lunch together. It was the last of the series of celebrations for my birthday this year. As we sat there talking, eating and marvelling at how much our kids have all grown, I was watching my brother’s kids–three boys aged 4, 7 and 9, wearing matching T-shirts and pants–and I tried to remember when was the last time that my own daughters wore matching clothes. Too long ago.
I won’t deny it. When my girls were younger–much younger–I shopped for their clothes and accessories endlessly and tirelessly. I always told myself it was part of the fun of having daughters. I would buy party clothes even when there was no occasion. I loved dressing them up. You know, when they were young, they didn’t complain. In fact, I always felt that they enjoyed it as much as I did. I didn’t always make them dress alike. It was more of complementary. Like the same dress but in different colors. If there was a “best dressed” award during Christmas parties when they were in pre-school and the first few years they were in grade school, they would have won the award, hands down.
Thing is, I never made them wear clothes that were replicas of grown-ups’ clothes. I didn’t make them look like tarts either. It was sugar and spice and everything nice. My sister-in-law (my brother’s wife) would often remark about how much limiting shopping for boys’ clothes was. It was just shirts and pants and accessories were limited to caps, socks and shoes. But with little girls, there were endless accessories for the hair, there were bags and slippers and sandals in a parade of colors and styles.
Then my daughters grew up. And they started squirming when I tried to dress them up like, well… like little girls. And they balked at the idea of wearing look-alike clothes. I can’t even remember exactly when it happened–it just happened. I’m not stupid. Of course, they wouldn’t be little girls forever. I’m not unreasonable either–I’m proud that they can assert their identity and individuality. Still, sometimes, I look at the photos from all those years ago and I can still remember the thrill of being a mother of young girls. Not that being a mom to older girls is less thrilling. But it’s different.
It isn’t even just about clothes. When they were younger, every trip we planned they looked forward to excitedly. They went along with all our plans. These days, well… we have to democratize everything. They have to have their say in certain things. We even transferred to another (more expensive) hotel after the first night in Tagaytay because according to the girls, the first hotel was kadiri.
Where to eat is a decision that has to be distributed–everyone has to have a chance to decide which restaurant to go to. The three days we were in Tagaytay… I said it wasn’t wise to eat in those Manila restaurants. You know, Yellow Cab Pizza or Figaro or Starbucks. I mean, we go to their city branches all the time. What’s the point in going to a far-off place and eating in the branches of the same old and tired restaurants? Well, I had my way most of the time but there were concessions–we had one breakfast at McDonald’s and we did pass by Starbucks on the way home.
Oh, well, it’s called change. I’m not averse to it but, sometimes, it does take a little getting used to.
The high school years were quite challenging for me. Then college came, it was liberalizing for all of us. I gave them a bit more freedom yet it was also difficult at first to let them go. Such are the phases of motherhood. We learn as they grow.
"We learn as they grow."
Oh, yes. A neverending learning process. No such thing as expertise when it comes to parenthood. Every phase, and every child, is different.
I've got three phases represented at home — elementary, high-school and college. I'd have to say my 15 year old daughter, out of my 3 girls, is the handful at this time. My husband tells me she probably can't get a grip on her hormones, and I can't either. I guess it's a tough stage when you're in between childhood and growing up. But we knew that, didn't we?
LOL we sure did. And I can't say it was smooth sailing.
Oh yes, my wife used to dress up the kids with the same colors before. Until when a London circus act came to town. They all wore green. Guess what? The chimpanzees on the show all wore green. hahaha We stopped doing that eversince.
Happy Halloween. Haba ng celebration ng birthday mo ah.
Ay bad trip kakulay ng chimps hahahaha
Take note: Halloween in Tagaytay is as dead as a doornail hehehe
Enjoy whatever time the kids can share with you. After college and they go on their own, you start discussing with your spouse which breed of dog or cat you want to adopt.
Got a curly coated retriever for a dog and a siamese for a cat. Love them animals – they don't talk back or get sassy…. if you pardon the pun.
But we still miss the kids…..
My mom picked out my clothes till I was in high school. So there. Stop laughin. I turned out ok I think? Hehe.
My sister just turned 13 and is now discovering boys. How I wish I could turn back the clock. As it is, I have to leave the shotgun displayed in the living room to keep her friends in check. Bad boy pa naman ang kuya, I know all the tricks of the trade so I see them coming a mile away with her.
Alfredo, I think that's one of the attractions of blogging and writing professionally. I know the time will come when I will be spending more and more time alone what with hubby busy with his work. I think of the possibility of the girls dorming in college and it's a mixed feeling. I'll have all the time I need for things I still want to do. But I know I'll miss them every waking moment.
Chris, LOL you sound so much like my husband. I'm the kunsintidora hahaha I want as much freedom for the girls without compromising responsibility.
Con, hopefully you and I will spend some left-alone time together when our kids have flown the coop, and we will have as much fun as when we were singletons. Surely we will miss having our loved ones around us, but that will also be a rebirth of sorts, a chance to discover more of our authentic selves. Looking forward to the growing-old years, may they be pleasant and fruitful…
Oh, yes, Sam, I hope we do. I can't say I miss the law office where we worked but I do miss you and all those chats we used to have hehehehe
Well, kids will be kids. My two sons – whenever and wherever we travel – love to eat nothing else except burgers and pizza, pizza and burgers. No matter which place it is, their menu is a constant. We can only go to fancy eating places and taste the place's real cuisine when it's just the wife and I. Sigh…
I don't have anything against pizza hehehe actually had I agreed to eat at Bag of Beans 3 times a day, they wouldn't have complained. It was ordering bulalo in 3 different restaurants that got them whining hahaha
Connie, I bought clothes for my son for as long as I can remember (yes, Chris) until he started dating, maybe. And he never complained (to me) at all. My two daughters “rebelled” sooner against the clothes I picked for them. I remember them saying “Nice, mom” to the frilly clothes I brought back from home when they were 10 & 12. But, they wore them only once just to please me, maybe. (I guess my son was more careful not to hurt my feelings. hehehe) Shopping with my 6-year-young granddaughter once, she told me she likes dresses in pink, blue, green and white, but not yellow and brown. They start early these days, don’t they?
Josie, Chris is your son? Chris of Filarms?
No, sorry. I meant it to be a side note to Chris, who wrote that his mom picked his clothes ’til he was in high school – just to assure him that he’s not alone in that area . . . hehehe. I try to read every comment before I write, Connie, and I find that your blog inspires people to speak their minds on various topics. Very interesting reading indeed.
Oh ok, LOL I thought…. LOL