After writing a few articles about my firstborn who is now a college freshman, an obviously curious reader e-mailed me asking why my daughter was taking up a vocational course. I said she wasn’t and explained that A.B. Photography is a regular college course. But there’s no such thing, she said. Yes, there is, I replied, and she’ll finish it in nine trimesters spread over three years. But that’s impossible, she insisted, and the fact that it’s a three-year course proves that it is a vocational course because regular college courses take four to five years to finish. I had lost my patience at the point and deemed it best to end the e-mail exchange by not replying.
I would have forgotten about it, and her, were it not for another e-mail that I received a few days later from yet another reader. According to this second reader, the first reader e-mailed “a couple of people” with the “scoop” that “Sassy Lawyer couldn’t afford to send her kid to college so the poor girl is attending a vocational school instead.” I cocked an eyebrow for a second then decided to drop the whole thing altogether. There really isn’t any point in arguing with a clueless person who is clueless about her own cluelessness. I told the second reader to ignore her because her clueless opinions – gossip, actually – won’t change facts.
That series of online conversations made me recall the jeweler who made our wedding bands almost eighteen years ago. She was a gossipy woman who had been doing my mother’s jewelry for years. Since I knew no other custom jeweler, I told my husband-to-be about her and we decided to give her the job of executing our wedding bands. As with most gossipy people, she was more than curious about our wedding plans and asked how many guests we were inviting. Just family, I told her, about fifteen people in all. Oh, she said, is that how it’s done when the bride is an old maid? Now, that was the first time I heard myself referred to as an old maid. I had just turned 28 and, in my circle of lawyer girl friends, I was actually the first one to get married.
Then, the woman started relaying, without any provocation nor encouragement from my mother nor I, how her own daughter married at just the right age and who, at 21, already had two children. The bitchy side of me surfaced and, with an eyebrow raised queried, “Did she finish college? Is she a lawyer?” But she just went on and on about how girls who aren’t married before they are 20 are, in fact, old maids. And I almost socked her and had the wedding bands job done elsewhere had my mother not given me a look that clearly said, “Huwag mo na patulan (Don’t dignify it with an answer).”
Looking back, I think that I might have totally misread the jeweler in thinking she was being bitchy. Perhaps, she wasn’t. It’s just that, in her circle of friends and family, it was the accepted standard that a girl married before she was twenty. And she was just expressing her firm belief and there was no malice involved. The curious thing is that this jeweler who was also doing jobs for a lot of women in my mother’s office found the time and opportunity to tell everyone else that their boss’s old maid daughter was getting married and she was doing the wedding bands. Was there no malice in that too?
Corollarily, was there no malice involved when the reader who insists that photography is a vocational course went out of her way to e-mail “a couple of people” about her conclusion that “Sassy Lawyer couldn’t afford to send her kid to college so the poor girl is attending a vocational school instead?” I have nothing against vocational and non-degree courses. Before learning that there was one school offering a bachelor’s degree course in Photography, I was actually encouraging my daughter to take up the one-year course in Film School in Cebu (popularly called Bigfoot) but she felt that, at 16, she was too young to be in the company of the much older students there. But if she had chosen not to go to college, it isn’t something I would be ashamed to admit. Shame doesn’t even figure in the equation. But for a total stranger to screw up the facts based on her own lack of information is something else.
We can’t change human nature, I suppose. Some even look at it — gossip — as part of the dynamics of human society. A person comes across what he or she considers to be a juicy piece of information and he or she finds it impossible to contain it. There is that awful aching need to tell another and another and yet another. And this awful aching need manifests itself in many ways and forms – as mass media, as Web logs, as Twits and Plurks, as shared links in Facebook and as good old gossip passed by one neighbor to another ad infinitum. And there is never any lack of people willing to act as receptacles and who, in turn, will pass on what information or rumor they received to other willing receptacles and so on, and so forth.
The wise person will first try to determine whether the information is in the form of a prediction, projection, innuendo, and whether or not it was learned through the grapevine, before deciding to repeat it to someone else. But how many actually bother doing that? What about the clueless who can’t tell the difference?
My mom passed on this great saying when I was younger: those that gossip to you, are probably gossiping about you. I usually avoid those types of people. I’ve lived a relatively drama-free life as a result.
I’m not saying I’m above gossip of course. I read an article a while back that pointed out that gossip has a strong social-networking component. And to not gossip is to actually hinder our inclusion in a group. That was way before all these social-networking sites. They’re so popular because people just have a basic need to be heard, and follow others, no matter who that may be sometimes.
I applaud you for being so supportive of your daughter’s dreams. Photography is a rather rare course, but if that’s where your daughter feels she’s being called, in the long term she will be thankful for how you’ve joyfully encouraged her.
all i can say is, GEESH! really?
Ms. Connie, don’t mind that person. She obviously does not know anything. It just goes to show how stupid people can be and the fact that she did not even think where you are sending your daughter to school shows her to be ignorant or came from the mountains where a trimestral system is unheard of. Who is she to judge a person by their academic credentials? It does not define success. Look at Bill Gates, he did not even finish college yet he is one of the richest people. I applaud you for supporting your daughter in her choice. May there be more parents like you and Mr. Speedy!
pinayhekmi, I don’t think anyone is above gossip if it is just a matter of repeating information. But when a person draws conclusions based on WRONG premises, dangerous… Actually, I was thinking of all those people in Twitter re-twitting — with an obvious slant — rumors about government, even about the Iran elections, things they cannot verify.
Thanks, Lance. I really believe that a person who practices a profession that he has genuine passion for will be both successful and happy.
Inna, mind-blowing, eh?
Cheann, what was even more amazing was how she was insisting. There was a point when I wanted to ask her, “So, are you implying that I’m lying about Photography being a college course?” But, never mind, ‘di ba?
Actually, isa lang ang alam kong sagot jan e. E ano pakialam mo?
Ikaw walang perang pang college? Alam nya ba kung san nag aaral si Sam? hahahaha
Yun po ang tanong talaga dyan! haha.
HAHAHAHAHA Akala ko ba ako yung mataray at ikaw yung mabait, ha, Tito Rolly? BWAHAHAHAHA
anatomy of a rumor: people who are so full of themselves that they constantly get bored/frustrated with the details of their own lives and preoccupy themselves with details of other people’s lives.
kaya maraming pilipinong chismoso at chismosa.
Whiners and complainers too.
If ako yun Sassy, pinatulan ko . But then, I’m a war freak hehehee.
I guess it’s firmly ingrained within Pinoys that education means finishing college, passing board exams or taking masteral and doctorates. Maybe that’s why most parents back then wanted their children to have degrees; doctors, lawyers, teachers, accountants – very old school and traditional. And, those who wanted to be writers, painters, artists, etc…were discouraged, “magugutom ka lang dyan, walang pera dyan” blah,blah,blah. There’s nothing wrong with the traditional professions, but parents shouldn’t impose those to their children. I’m glad that more and more parents nowadays encourage their children to pursue their passion/interests.
I remember when I was kid, my parents used to scold me when they see me doodling and wasting lots and lots of paper, they wanted me to be a lawyer. Kainis. I ended up working in the creative industry hahahahaha.
Naku, I heard all of that too. Artists starve. Writers starve. I suppose there were entire generations which did not distinguish between physical starvation on one hand, and emotional and intellectual starvation on the other.
Ms. Connie,
1st time to comment, long time reader, I cannot resist kasi…alam ba nya kun mgkanu ang halaga ng camera, lenses and other photography equipment? Alam ba nya how much it cost to maintain a condo in the Ubelt?
Anyway, just ignore na nga lang. They don’t know any better. Ako, if I had a choice, I’d rather pick (several) vocational courses and pursue my passion. Success is relative, as long as the person is happy and contented, yun ang mahalaga.
The way I read her, I think the money issue was an “aside”. I get the feeling she was attacking me by insulting my daughter. Or maybe criticizing me in a way for allowing my daughter to “downgrade” her education or something like that.
mukhang self contradictory yung conclusion niya a. cannot afford tapos csb ang school? baka hindi pa sa kaniya nachichismis magkano tuition fee dun, hehe.
anyway, isa lang ang standard ko pagdating sa hearsay na hindi ko ma verify sa sarili ko… consider the source
I didn’t tell her which school. Apparently, she never bothered clicking the link in the older entry. Very stupid, no?
I envy your daughter. I’ve always wanted to study film or photography, but coming from a family of lawyers and doctors, the story is now all too familiar by now.
What ever steps your daughter may take, I know she’d succeed for she has a mother like you who’s behind her all the way.
I know the feeling. I wasn’t allowed to take up what I wanted either and I swore I’d never dictate to my own children. That’s why even though the tuition is really sky high, i grit my teeth and take the attitude na palakasan lang ng loob yan hehehe
That reader has already made up her mind that’s why she “couldn’t” understand where you were coming from.
You’re familiar with contests hosted by a blogger where you have to direct the most # of traffic to their site to win? One blogger told me to join. She implied I can use your help. Okay this isn’t rumour but that’s the key word, it’s the implication of what they’re saying/spreading.
Stinks.
Teka, teka. The implication being I’m involved in their traffic racket, ganun? Is this the OFW blog contest? I didn’t even reply to the email asking me to put up a link.
Nah this is last year or late 2007 pa yata. It’s her personal contest. She’s implying I’m your “pet” kasi na-mention mo yung blog ko around that time on several occasions. Ewan how it works that if I join her contest, I can get you to redirect traffic to her site.
Wow hayop sa gimmick yun ah. Redirect, ha?
sa tingin ko e inggit yung ganon. hahanapan ka ng isang bagay na mas mababa ang quality sa mga bagay na meron sya para ma-feel nya na he or she is better than you. and then go around telling the whole world that he or she is holyer than thou.
alam ko ‘yan dahil ganun din ako, hahaha
“there really isn’t any point in arguing with a clueless person who is clueless about her own cluelessness.”
This is a funny statement but so true!
“Oh, she said, is that how it’s done when the bride is an old maid?”
If I was eating something when I have read this, I would’ve choked. lol
Sam is extremely talented considering her age, I can’t wait to see her works when she finishes college.
If Sam is taking a vocational course, then the next time I will see my friend, I will tell him he is teaching students to learn a vocational course! This friend of mine is a faculty in CSB and a known wedding photographer. I’m sure he will disagree. Besides, whether college degree or vocational course, the point is we support our children’s passion and dreams. As said earlier, success is relative. It is not always measured by how much money we earn from our jobs.
Hi Connie,
Based on experience, those people who spread rumors are those who have skeletons to hide. I was once a victim and shed a lot of tears. My husband, who was then my boyfriend, told me that I know the truth and that’s all that matters.
This person you were talking about doesn’t know DLSU. I dreamed of stepping my foot in their campus as a student but my parents cannot afford it. Not everybody can afford that school.
Lastly, napaaray ako dun sa term na old maid. I got married din at 28. I didn’t see myself marrying at 20. First, hindi pa ako graduate nun. Second, wala pa akong ipapakain sa magiging anak ko. Lastly, I was not prepared for the responsibilities of a wife and a mother. I wonder if there was a time that the jeweler’s daughter wished to change things if given the chance.
My sister’s son took film editing as a course and now works in the Holywood vicinity.
My sister and her husband didn’t protest about their son’s desire and dream, though they would have wanted their kids to follow their career paths (medicine).
Good luck to your daughter. I think it was mature of her to follow her heart and mind’s desire.
And to you – just laugh off those nasty gossipers.
Kotsengkuba, o tingin mo — malice or no malice involved?
Geri, you being an artist, I know you’d understand Sam’s urge to follow her passion.
Jomanette, baka pati yung friend mo ma-insulto sa insinuation na pang vocational ang photography.
Carol B., Doesn’t matter to me if people say we’re poor because we’re not rich anyway. As to the old maid stuff, some women still think — sad but true ha — that being a wife and mother is the ultimate goal. A lot of girls in my high school went to college (took up short courses) only to find suitable (rich) husbands.
Gene, that’s one thing about Sam — she’s quite unbendable once she makes up her mind about something. It might be described as “matigas ang ulo” by some parents but I look at it as a good quality for survival.
“she’s quite unbendable once she makes up her mind about something. It might be described as “matigas ang ulo” by some parents but I look at it as a good quality for survival.”
I will never look at it as being “matigas ang ulo”. That’s “being tough in what one believes in”. Hirap yatang kumontra sa gusto ng magulang. Sam is lucky she has her parents’ full support in her chosen field. I wish her success in her future career.
Hay naku! Magtataas lang yun ng kilay at magtatanong… “Magkano ang sweldo nya? Katumbas ba ng PF ko sa isang araw?!” lol.
If you’re already an old maid when you got married at 28, how will your alahera call me? I got married at 30! Oh yes, I remember vividly when I reached 20, my relatives already call me old maid. My cousins got married before they reached 20!
My husband and I met foreigners people through our work. In comparing stories related to experiences in universities, we learned, for one, Chinese universities offered courses that were normally mere subjects in both UP and UST during our time… example, I had Art Appreciation class dati for a couple of semesters, and both my husband and I had Mechanical Drawing… and our co-workers said both, in addition to some other subjects mentioned, were in fact supposed to be full university courses! Which made us think maybe many Philippine universities out of practicality or for lack of innovation or amendments (admittedly, kind of like our constitution) offered “courses in a nutshell” compared to more developed countries.
i just can’t resist…I just Loooove your retort. Restrained yet so exact! Simple lang pero tumbok na tumbok. Aylovet!
Connie,
I just hope that Sam did not get upset about the narrow minded comments of those 2 people who e-mailed you. It really breaks my heart that they will use this talented young lady and her interest to generate such tsismis about you. I think they must have had brain farts because they have not realized that photography and film are very hot careers right now. I know that New York and California are the centers of arts but we do have universities here in Dallas that have advanced studies in her field. Maybe someday she may consider coming here- I will supply her with the home cooked meals like you do-even a car.
Secondly, it really saddens me that some people still look down on vocational careers. Do they know how much it cost to pay a mechanic that fix our cars or the plumbers and electricians? Ma mahal pa ang service fee nila compared to what i pay my doctor when i go for a doctor’s office visit. There is integrity and dignity in any profession and a very big bonus if that profession is something you really enjoy doing.
More power to Sam and her Mom.
Sam is… well, Sam is Sam. Her attitude is to give the finger. In Facebook, there was this boy who has never heard of her school and Sam’s reply was:
Actually, Ruth, it’s my younger daughter, Alex (she’ll be taking up Film) who’ll probably find her way to Hollywood. When it’s time, I’ll supply her with a list of all the nice people I’ve met online, like you and EmyM, so she won’t feel so alone there. Thanks.
Re vocational. Speedy has his own sob stories about that. His real passion is cars — tinkering with the engines — and had he been allowed to take up some vocational course, he’d probably be the owner of the biggest casa in the country today and happily tinkering away. BUT, you know, there were social expectations, he HAD to take up a REAL COLLEGE COURSE, took up mechanical engineering… it’s not the same.
Sa Reader’s Digest I’m reading (July 2009, International Edition), there’ this definition of GOSSIP: When you hear something you like about someone you don’t. It’s attributed to an Earl Wilson.
But then again, the definition is in the magazine’s Laugh section.
Ay, Connie,
SIKAT ka kasi sya hindi. YUN LANG!
Go Ms. Connie!
I just love the way you answer those people who have nothing better to do in their lives but malign/insult/gossip about other people. In layman’s terms, “soplak na soplak!”
I’m sure that if you had chosen to pursue the profession, you would have made a great lawyer. But being a great mother/ wife/ writer/blogger/ cook that you are now; I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Kudos to Sassy Lawyer & Pinoy Cook!
Kudos
Nakakainis! Obviously this person doesn’t know anything about a trimester, or photography or CSB! Baka nangaasar lang?? Ganyan yan…since they don’t know what they’re talking about, they just invent stuff. In a couple of years, i’ll be watching out for Sam in the photography industry!
Jill, so specializations are narrower… Very interesting. So many things come to mind, the pros and cons, but I think I’ll write about that another time.
Juana, salamat, yan ang “mabait” na version pag good mood ako at hindi mapagpatol. Kung nagkataon na mainit yung ulo ko noon, hay naku, ibang version siguro lumabas. hehehe
Robin, sounds like an pretty accurate definition to me hehehe
Cocoy, ano pa kaya ang feeling ng mga katulad ni Angelina Jolie, ano?
Agatha, re “malign/insult/gossip”… With the Pinoy’s penchant for all that, dapat yata i-declare na na national pasttime yang chismis.
Peterb, naisip ko rin yun, na talagang nang-aasar lang. Mababaw kaligayahan ng ibang tao, ala na tayo magagawa dun.
Ms. Connie,re: 28-year old women being called old maids–double aray. I got married at 29, and like you, ako pa ang nauna sa circle ng lawper-friends. I got a lot of that too from my husband’s side–and my reaction: taas ng kilay at pasalamat sila at accomplished na, maganda pa ang mapapangasawa.hahaha. chismosang alahera.
Re: photography course-ahahaha.Don’t you notice how dumb people are the last persons to know about their mental inadequacies? If there is one reason I will let my girls shy away from courses like photography, it is bec. di namin kaya ang tuition niyan.
I don’t get this condescending attitude pinoys have re: non-4-year-courses. Maybe the dumb person you were talking to is the last person to know that graduates of these vocational courses are the ones very much in demand. hello!
Absolutely Connie,there was malice involved.The reader was mean and rude, that she owes you an apology.Tacky is the right
description for the jeweler.
I have high regards and respect for the people in the ART world.They have this innate talent and passion which makes our
life magical and awesome.Imagine a world without film,music,
prints,dance,sculpture,books,etc,…dull,isn’t it?. And your
two gifted children belong to these group of extraordinary
people.
Connie,you are most welcome to our humble home.We live
about 30min. drive away from Hollywood. No,Tom Hanks is not
our neighbor.hee hee
excuse po.. where did your daughter study? sounds like DLSU to me. DLSU din po kasi ako.
Wala sa kung ano natapos yan at the end of the day nasa diskarte at sipag if you will be successful or not! Kaloka cya! Hmph!
Married at 20? Are you kidding? I can imagine what those 20 yr olds or younger were really missing for getting married early. There is so much in the world than just getting tied to a person at such a young age, had children and limit each others’ opportunities.
I guess we are just from different bred. I was never attracted to any younger my age, they don’t have a clue what they wanted in life. I love a woman with maturity(so let it be old maid) coz I married one full of life at 33.
Sour graping by the way is nature’s way to offset the gossipers miserable feeling. Di ba ganyan ang mga inggitera? Hehe.
Well, I can think of something that people getting married at such a young age would surely not be missing. Having more than half a dozen kids in a lifetime-or maybe let’s make it a dozen. hehehe
Ahh life.
Lemon, I just remembered: when I was in high school and Physical Therapy was a new course and starting to be in demand abroad, there were people who think that the course Physical Therapy leads to a career in a sauna bath. Auto-resistance to anything new, I guess.
EmyM, I told Alex about you and Ruth and I wish I could have captured the expression on her face. hehehe Tuwang-tuwa!
Promking, CSB.
Ria, I agree – nasa diskarte yan. Depending on a person’s drive and passion, he can succeed in a profession other than what he studied in college or elsewhere.
d0d0ng, I’m trying to think about what I wanted when I was 20 and a freshman law student. I remember being interested in boys but marriage at that age? No freaking way! LOL
gee given time I would go back to school and pursue photojournalism…
here un europe photography courses covers 3 to 4 years…
and mahal talaga ng course.
I second the motion. If photography or photojournalism were offered in the 80s, I would have shifted.
wow. seems like there are a lot of people who have nothing better to do. Actually, my ideal marrying age is 27. I just think that before you embark on this sacrament, you should be well prepared, emotionally and financially. Plus, I also have a lot of dreams that I want to fulfill for myself and don’t want to be full of regrets.
Old maid at 28? Naku ha, I’m 30 going on 31 and not yet married. Not that it bothers me, but what pisses me off are relatives and nosy neighbors in my hometown who can’t keep their mouths shut. Ganito palagi naririnig mo:
1.Get married, have kids who’ll take care of you in your
old age
2. It’s the right time to marry
3. Mahirapan ka manganak
4. Wala ka na makukuha sa age mo
All that, and without even bothering to ask you if you want to get married in the first place di ba? Any they won’t believe you that you’re not ready yet, or that you’d rather stay single a little longer than making a mistake forever and ever. Oh well. Bat kaya ganun?
Connie,
The creation of rumors are a by product of common misconceptions and most of the time, is a result of trying to find fault in people we have tremendous insecurities with in order to hide our inadequacies.
Don’t mind them. I feel that person is just trying to make herself feel good by insulting people.
Whatta loser.
Haha— as if I needed to add pa to this long list… what I can just say is— Connie, you have better things to do than waste your time to dignify the comments of these gossip mongers..;)
Haha! Natawa ako dun ha! Vocational course in DLS-CSB? So my son’s taking a vocational course, too, since like your Sam’s Photography, Animation just takes three-years before you graduate. And what’s wrong kung vocational man yon? The important thing is what skills you learn and how you apply them to build a career. Hay napakastatus-conscious naman yang gossiper mo!
Status conscious – hay, there are far too many like her.
Connie – Many times those who spread vicious rumors do not have an interesting life and try to redirect the attention to themselves by being the “first” to spread those rumors especially since its so easy to skew the truth just by adding or omitting even a few words from the story. Or sometimes they are just plain mean.
Or maybe just plain psycho. LOL!
Status conscious ba kamo? More of BOBO.
LOL! How picturesque. hehehehe
Thank goodness some people were prepared to take the risk of starving. We wouldn’t have Dickens , Twain , Rizal , Proust , Voltaire et al .