[Today's column]
When you buy a book at Powerbooks bookstore, your purchase often comes with a free magazine. Sometimes, it’s the in-house publication which contains a list and reviews of new book titles. Last Sunday, it was a parenting magazine with Lea Salonga on the cover and a snippet from the article she wrote that advises parents to encourage their children to pursue their passion.
Lea’s article touched me in a big way because I am at that stage in my life when the belief that parents should respect and encourage their children’s career decisions will mean financial management that may be nothing short of magical. Our firstborn, Sam, is off to college. Her passion is photography and when she announced some two years ago that she intended to pursue photography as a profession, I applauded and cheered. I passed on my first dSLR camera to her and have since given her a couple of lenses.
The problem is that there is only one university that offers a bachelor’s program in photography and the tuition almost made me faint. We’re not rich but we want her to have a good shot at making her dreams come true. A happy person is a productive person and a person allowed to turn his or her passion into a living will have a chance to spend the rest of his life become even better at doing what he loves most. Conversely, forcing someone to perform a task that he or she has no passion for often leads to mediocre results. If you’re a human resources manager or a business owner and you’re wondering why your employees are performing poorly, the first question you need to ask is whether they love what they’re doing or whether they just aren’t in any position to do what they are truly passionate about.
We’re parents. We want our children not only to become financially independent in their adult life but also to be happy persons—happy with their work, happy with their achievements, happy to be in a situation where they can stretch their creativity to limitless bounds. So, we gave in. Tuition expensive? If Pacific Plans hadn’t reneged on the traditional policies, things would be easier for us. But we’ll manage. That’s confidence and hopefulness and resolve to do more work, if necessary, to earn more to afford the school. And it’s not like we’re making a huge sacrifice. It’s not like we’re making ourselves out as martyrs. We’re just being responsible and supportive parents.
All this brought a flood of memories. I grew up in a generation where parents could be dictatorial about what profession their children should pursue. Not as bad as the generation before mine where, by tradition, a family must produce a doctor, a priest, a lawyer and a teacher—the latter, a profession normally assigned to daughters. Still, it was bad for me because I was inclined toward the arts and languages, believe it or not, and my first choices for my college course were Theater Arts and European Languages.
I don’t know if you can picture it but my parents raised hell especially about the Theater Arts part. And what was I going to be—an actress? And the litany would start about actresses being nothing better than whores because they sleep with producers and directors to get good roles, a stereotype based on a singular experience of my mother who saw her uncle (a movie producer) slap some famous actress on her behind. The nuances of sexual harassment were unknown at the time. If they weren’t, perhaps my mother would have realized that the whoring-to-get-a-job phenomenon could happen in ANY profession.
To this day, I wonder what I would have become, how far the stars I would have reached, had I been allowed to follow my dreams early on. Not that I’m unhappy with the stars I have managed to reach, and I do intend to reach more, but what if I had been allowed to fly and soar to explore my chosen corner of the sky much, much earlier without fear and guilt that I would make my parents unhappy?
Children are individuals. They are not extensions of their parents. They have a right to choose their own path and live their chosen lives. It isn’t even correct to say that we parents can only show them the path but it is they that will have to walk through it. No, it’s beyond that. We parents can only show our children that there are many paths, that they all lead to different things, that all those paths are open and we will do nothing to set up any road blocks. They will have to choose which to take and walk through.
In the final analysis, a parent’s ability to allow a child to choose his or her path, and be supportive of that choice, has to do with respect. If we respect our children as individuals, if we respect their right to make decisions for themselves, then we won’t have any difficulty in encouraging them to pursue their passion and follow their dreams.
I cannot agree more on this. I have always wanted to pursue smething with regards to beauty but my parents will not let me. After countless ho hum jobs in the corporate world, I took a gamble and enrolled myself in artistic makeup. I am happy to say that I am where I belong and have since resigned from my job and living a very healthy and contented life!!!
Bravo, Ria! Bravo!
ako, suwerte dahil may magulang na hindi rin nagpilit kung ano ang dapat kong maging course. suwerte rin dahil mayroong school na umasikaso sa career choice ng mga studyante nila. half a day of the entire month of january nung senior year namin ay puro mga lecture from different professionals who spoke about their jobs. i am who i am because of these.
may kaibigan ako rito, chemical engineering sa stanford. yon ang kinuha niya dahil yon ang gusto ng mga parents niya. she graduated and worked for a while in a big engineering firm but quit right away.
ngayon, she’s a photographer/video producer because that’s her passion.
Our firstborn wanted to take performing arts while in college. Afraid that we might say NO to her, she finished business administration instead. After graduation, she declined job offers from big corporations. She knew what she wanted all along and moved to California. We were disappointed, and we thought we didn’t raised her properly. She took odd jobs just so she can do what she wanted. She proved to us that when you have that big dream, follow your heart. We are just glad that she is happy now to be in the entertainment business.
Wow!
As much as I can see through the decision making process, it is still a very scary world out there especially with the current financial meltdown and to support a career path choosen by a minor.
I am impressed with your decision, able to cut the umbilical cord at early stage and allow her the driver’s seat.
As a couple, I just don’t know if we can do the same thing. Maybe along the line that once chosen, the child has to make it work or the financial support will not be there anymore.
My mantra is: to raise a happy, thinking, and productive individual. If Mina wants to be in a profession that may not produce big income, fine. But I also expect her to be self-sufficient to a degree. Arts is fine, but I’d make her aware of the term “starving artists”
.It’s a fine balance but I agree that a child’s profession should be the child’s choice.
My son wants to be in FILM because he wants to make the next Star Wars installment. He also wants to be a Cartoonist and a graphic artist. AND, to manage a restaurant. So unless he makes a decision in 7 years, we are going to be broke since we told him he can be whatever he wants, it’s just imperative that he goes to college for it. So I’m crossing my fingers that he gets some scholarship somehow.
FYI, I first took Nursing because my Dad wanted me too. Imagine his fury when I switched to Mass Communication the following semester. I’m the black sheep daw.
Dex, if your son wants to add “pilot” to the list, you’ll be worse than broke. hehe But seriously, his choices are impressive.
We’re also hoping for some sort of scholarship. I hear that students on the staff of the school paper get some financial assistance.
I hope you get it. Every little bit helps.
My sister who is also an incoming first year, chose Journalism as her course in College. I wanted her to take up Accountancy or Engineering and made suggestions to her about it, which she really considered. But in the end, it was really up to her to make the final decision because its her life to live. Ang contribution ko lang ay tuition at baon
I agree with you. In the end we have to trust that our children will make the right decisions because (hopefully) we did our job as parents. My daughter is on to her final year in high sch too and her passion is anything Japanese. She intends to take up Linguistics and major in Niponggo. Then she wants to study in Japan. Dream big!
Oh, I like that — dream big! Always, always dream big.
This article brought back some memories. I can still remember my two younger sisters’ choice of profession when they were in their elementary years. The youngest wanted to be a fish vendor in the wet market. She is now a high school teacher. The elder one wanted a course that has no math subject. I can’t think of any because as far as I know all courses require that you finish even just the basic math. She finished a secretarial course and is now managing the family’s business.
Among my siblings, I am the only one who didn’t get to choose the profession that I wanted to pursue. I wanted to be a civil engineer but my parents wanted me to be an accountant. Although, I came to like the profession, I still wonder what if I pursued my dream.
I read somewhere that there are only 2 important decisions in life that will affect you for the rest of your life and therefore should be made by the individual himself – career choice and one’s choice of partner in life. I’ve given the first one to my parents. Luckily, they gave me the latter. So far, no regrets.
Bravo, Connie! Bravo!
I totally agree. I wanted to be an accountant but my father decided I should be a doctor. I hated every minute I was in college taking up something I never dreamed of. When he left our family for another family, I also took a turn and did what I’ve always wanted to do for myself. I am now a financial analyst and happily doing what I do best.
Our secondborn’s ambition was to be a teacher when she was a little girl. When it was time for her to go to college, I told her that she would make a good lawyer or judge in the future. Well, she knew what she wanted – she finished her bachelors degree in communications. After graduation she was lucky(?) to practice her chosen profession with two internationally known companies before landing her dream job in media relations with IBM.
Looking back, I am always reminded by what our business mentor have told us. If you have the dream and desire to be sucessful, you too can make it.
Sam is blessed to have you and Speedy as parents. She will do well in school and in the future. Congratulations to you all.
We still have a loonnggg way to go. But pogiBoy’s been consistently saying he wants to be a chef and the fact that in the last two years he sticks to his wishlist for Christmas, baka nga food ang maging passion nya.
I’m encouraging him naman. So helps a lot in the kitchen and he enjoys baking sessions.
Di man sya maging chef, at least he’ll know how to cook. When he’s a bit older, I’ll introduce him to the joys of house chores hehe Goodness knows it’d help him when it’s time for him to leave home.
My future *-in-law should thank me.
Why do I get the feeling na pabor sayo turuan sya ng house chores? HEHHEHEH
Hopefully along with her photography major she will minor in some business classes so she can come out of college not only a skilled photographer, but ready to run her own company and keep the books for her photography business
I know a few photographers that make a good living. But it is their marketing skills and networking skills and ability to get clients even when they are not the least expensive choice that has made them as successful as they are. Taking beautiful pictures and having a gift are only the beginning!
Best of luck to your family – I think you’ve made a smart and brave decision.
Hi Jennudecki. One of the things that convinced me about Sam’s choice of school is the strong business slant of the curriculum. Even Math is Business Math.
Reading this op-ed makes me feel how my current life sucks-ass and very superably lame.
Like the silent-awful majority I am one of those you might wanna call “the exploited”. My parents thinks and want me to become a surgeon of which I am right now. To be honest it’s something I dont want me to be at first. When I was small I desire to become a vocalist of a super rock band. Because I really do think that I can excel on such undertaking. Back in the UK..big balls is the
only thing required to work out your dreams into a big reality. Its’ never a questioned of money to me if you really want to go for the things that matters to you/us.
Reality seems to have taken a bite to eat…instead I am here in the island country of the great republic of the Philippines. Of which It has become dear to me to have took path of which my parents forced me to underwent. I kinda like it here..
If this is a dream I dont want to be shaken to be awaken. We will never know of whats coming to us…no matter how unfair or ridiculous it might be. Just go and find out what is best behind the choices being offered to us. May it be forcefully or peacefully.
But then again……