I just came from Pinoy Moms Network and there was an entry by Analyse entitled What do you want to be when you grow up? I’ve traveled down that road before when I tried to analyze what seems to be a very simple question from different perspectives. There are no simple answers to that simple question. Issues of access to quality early education, personal interests and financial capacity are all factors.
The socio-economic factors I have already written about in a column about a year and a half ago. What I’m trying to ponder on right now is the preference of the individual vis a vis pressures from parental expectations. In a country where obeisance to parents’ wishes is the norm, how free is a person to really follow his heart when making career or professional choices?
A few generations ago, parents assigned professions to their children. The oldest male will be a doctor, the second a priest, the third a lawyer… the females almost always became teachers. During my mother’s time, there were only a handful of females in law school.
Today, many parents push their daughters — and even sons — to take up nursing because it is the current money-making profession. In some cases, the choice is made long before the child becomes an adult. Hence, parents who take their young children to every kind of audition or talent (sic) contest hoping that the exposure will lead to a career in entertainment.
Between then and now, how many Filipino children can actually stand up to their parents and say no, I will decide for myself?
When I filled out my application form to take the UPCAT years ago, I wanted to take up either European Languages or Theater Arts. But my mother said she wouldn’t pay for my tuition unless I chose Journalism. So, I did. A choice between going to college and not going to college, well… that’s a no brainer. One semester later, I shifted to a pre-law course — a choice I made out of spite because my mother specifically did not want me to take up law, a choice that had the support of my father.
Speedy’s passion is cars. To be more precise, he loves tinkering with their machines. He told me how he preferred to take up related vocational course after high school but it wasn’t an acceptable choice for a middle class family. So, he went on to become a mechanical engineer instead.
So, when I became a mother, I told myself I would consciously refrain from making comments — even in the guise of suggestions — as to careers my daughters should choose. So long as their choices make them happy, I will be content. See, for me, that is the mark of a truly productive person. A person who is allowed to do what he is most passionate about — to follow his own heart — has the best chances of becoming successful in his chosen field.
When Sam went from dreaming of becoming a vet to a professional chef to a professional photographer, I said the same thing every time she changed her mind — we will find the best school that offers the course she wants and proceeded to give her a digital camera. When Alex said she wanted to become multimedia graphics artist at the age of 11, I bought her a drawing pad with a matching stylus — the kind she could plug into her laptop so she could see on the screen what she was manually drawing on the pad with the stylus.
Some people think I give them things that are too expensive. I see it differently. I look at it as a chance to allow them to explore and hone what they feel passionate about. And if youthful interests turns out to be full-blown careers, then they will have the advantage of starting out early.
Like I said, whatever makes them happy.
Iniisip ko how I’d like to comment on your post kaya lang ang daming pumapasok sa isip ko.
Sa pamilya ko, yung courses ng mga sisters ko (bunso ako) were chosen for economic reasons. Nag-nurse ang panganay namin dahil di namin kaya ang doktor. Yung sumunod nag-nurse din dahil may mga libro at uniforms na. In the end, both decisions were beneficial for me. I can choose whatever course I want because my sisters were going to support me and they did. When it was my turn to go to College, Nanay tried to bribe me into staying in Cabanatuan City but of course I chose UP.
My husband chose to be a nurse again for economic reason. He knew it was the fastest route to working abroad.
And today, his auntie, who lives with us, is dictating on her oldest child (15 y/o) to take up nursing, too. Economic reason uli. As you said, para nga maka-abroad like my husband. Yung bunso nya sabi nya pagn-nursing na lang din daw nya. Sabi ko wag na, she can let him choose (11 y/o lang) dahil by the time na mag-college sya nagta-trabaho na yung ate — I am implying of course that the oldest child will help them with the youngest’s college fees.
So tama ka in most cases ngayon sa Pinas yan ang sitwasyon.
Dito sa UK since 3 years ago, panay ang encourage nila sa mga teenagers to take up apprenticeship. Something that Speedy would agree with. Dito kasi big money yang plumbing, construction at siempre, mekaniko. Pero dahil lahat ng tao gusto ng degree, UK relies on mostly Eastern Europeans to pick up the slack on the blue collar jobs. Sabi ko kay hubby, paglaki ng anak namin we should also let him choose whatever he wants. When he tells us he wants to be a plumber or a brick-layer, I’ll say “ok, we’ll find you a master builder”.
minsan kasi, people “look down” on blue collar jobs. many like to think that “education” is an investment for the parents and it should lead to “respectable” jobs like being president of a bank or something. but people are individuals. we have different interests. sayang naman if we give up our passion and the chance to become great at it.
this spoke so close to my heart. my Dad told me to take up Nursing for college. I obliged for one year but the next semester I enrolled myself to Mass Communication. since then i have been considered the “black sheep” in our family. even though i wasn’t running around town making an ass of myself. shifting to the course I wanted gave my stepmother more ammunitions to paint a not so pretty picture of me in my father’s eyes. first was having a boyfriend in higschool. not to mention sharing my opinions when things are discussed in the family. by 19, i moved out of our house, got married(eloped) at 20 and moved thousands of miles away from California to be with my husband, then had a baby at 21. Certainly not what my father had in mind when it came to my future.
’till now he has a problem with me being a SAHM which is understandable but i wish he’d also understand that growing up without a mother(she died when I was 10) has greatly influenced my desire to stay home and be with my kids to watch their growth process 24/7.
my son’s choices have changed as the years moved one. first he wanted to follow his Dad’s footsteps in joing the military. as much as it pains me to send him away, i don’t have a choice in the matter. right now though he has mentioned being a Nascar Driver while he make the next installment for George Lucas’s very popular franchise: Star Wars.
all I could say to him was : “You can do all that after college”..
Having a college degree when joining the military would give start him off to a higher rank. If he’s really serious about making the Star Wars movie he could take Film a degree in college so either way going to college will benifit him. The Nascar part, that would probably keep me up all night thnking about how he would train himself driving 100 or more miles /hour.
*this is probably the longest comment I’ve left here
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hm..how to start? i whole-heartedly agree with you on how “difficult” it is to choose your own career path/profession while keeping our parents’ wishes in mind. the filipino culture, specifically, is big on projecting their big dreams/wants on their children. i’m a prime example. i didn’t really choose to be a lawyer –it was part a result of logisitics (i had a student visa here in the U.S. and needed to keep it, so i had to continue with graduate work), part parental-pressure (my parents wanted me to be a lawyer), and part uncertainly about what *i* really wanted.
i like your approach with your daughters in trying to refrain from even suggesting to them professions they could ultimately choose. without added pressure of trying to please their parents, children will learn to decide from their heart/mind and hopefully find their own path in life.
Hi Connie,
Kudos to you for being such an understanding and a good mother to your children.
That is one thing I can’t do for my children, to choose a career for them. It is just not right. Steffi, my eldest, is pursuing a degree that she enjoys, and writing songs, singing on the side(her passion, actually). If she has her way, she wants to quit a year to record a CD, which I strongly oppose. I told her she can do music on summer break. My little one wanted to be a nurse, at first, now, she wants to be a music teacher.
My parents encouraged us to follow our dreams. They never imposed anything to us eventhough it was evident that they wanted to have a teacher in the family (they’re both teachers). The rule was, take the course we wanted and go to the school of our choice. That was pretty cool and sans stress and I thank them for that.
hi connie,
i’ve been reading your blog for so long, i just can’t help but post my own comments with this one.
accountant/auditor ako pero ang gusto ko talaga dati eh maging engineer, kaso, mas mabilis daw makakuha ng work at mas madali ang maging accountant. now that i am here in canada with my own family, nakita ko talaga na ang dami pala talagang choices, hindi lang mga degree on sciences, business etc… mas maraming blue collar jobs na mas malaki ang sweldo.
imagine, here, yong mga companies are willing to pay $80 per hour para sa mga karpentero, electrician at kung ano ano pa. meron pang signing bonus ang mga yan. sobrang taas ng demand dito ng mga ganyang klaseng work.
well, katulad ng sinabi mo, my wife and i are also giving our daughter our full support kung ano ang gusto nya maging when she reach that stage. we’ll give her the freedom to choose…. sabi mo nga… whatever makes her happy….
Bravo! Bravo!
Every mother should read this.
It is difficult, but lots of people do it all the time. When you’re passionate about something, it almost seems like you have no choice. I like to think that parents, being parents, will eventually come to accept their children’s decisions, no matter what. Of course that’s not always the case. Still I do believe that we must strive to live the life we choose for ourselves, not the life someone else chose for us. Life is already too damn short as it is.
I’m speaking from experience. My parents wanted me to be a rich lawyer or politician (I come from a political family). I chose the poor man’s profession instead – writing. Not even journalism, but creative writing.
I’ve turned my back on financial stability, lost some creature comforts, and had to suffer a bit of a rift with my family, but right now, I can honestly say that I am happy.
I am the person I want to be. And to me, that makes all the difference.
Ah I learned not to be like my parents who told me to take food technology when I always wanted Business management. I took MBA after college and only got to practice it for only 3 years.
I guided my children on their college courses based on what they wanted. Yet, I told them to be practical to make sure they will be able to earn a living after college. Though Social Sciences and Psychology are not high paying jobs, I am sure the girls will manage and be happy with their chosen careers.
and look what my parents chose for me–i was a medical technologist, never practised it. could it have been a waste of money? but a that time, i was a confused girl. anyway, in the end it did not matter, i got a good job in an international org with HQ in manila. later, when i was 46 years old, i went back to school for an MBA, and then a creative writing class.
with this experience in mind, we let our kids follow their hearts, we just gave them advice, we support them, and they are happy.
Connie, i agree with you.
If there’s a will there’s a way. I remember my older sister saying “I am going to be a doctor” when she was in grade 1. My parents just said that she should choose another vocation as there was no way they can afford medical school. Anyone would have agreed with them. How in the world will a homemaker and a school janitor send their child to medical school? With God’s help, she became what she wanted to be. For the rest of us younger siblings, we were given the equal opportunity and support to choose what we wanted to be. Yes, there were 3 more of us to put through school(2 BS Comp. Sci and 1 Vet Med). That’s not all, my eldest brother was mentally retarded and needed special care. I cannot help but wonder on the super-human effort it took to my dad(even after my mom died early) to achieve their goal to see us finish school. My dad was forced to drop-out of 2nd year college due to poverty and he wanted better for us.
Now, as a mom myself I will support my daughter to be whatever she wants to be. To tell you honestly, I feel like a wimp getting scared of having another child because I am so concerned of college costs.
right now, kailea (6 yrs old) wants to be a veterinarian and a window cleaner. she wanted to become a cow girl, but after driving by harris ranch, she changed her mind. you’re right ms. connie, we can show support and cultivate their passion. she’s very creative and resourceful. she’ll do fine.
when i was small i have cherished a sticker a friend gave me. it said, ‘follow your heart and god will help’. i will be an architect soon, despite my dada’s attempts of discouraging me, and my mom’s wish that i become a doctor. architects don’t make a lot of money, and it is a lot of hardwork, but i am happy and take pride in my work.
as for me I already knew when I was a child what to pursue. I’ve generated lots of junk including electric fans and vacuum tube-powered TVs
When I was young, I wanted to become either a writer or a forest ranger (like my lolo!). So when UPCAT time came, and dad saw my course choices, he wasn’t very happy. He said there was no money where I wanted to go, and that he wanted me to take up Physical Therapy instead. As all our stories are, I did as my parents told me. But in the end, I followed my heart and rebelled, consequently disappointing them.
Now I know better, and I hope to do a better job with my kids.
you sound just like my parents, I am so proud to say that my parents let us decide for ourselves, what we want to do with our lives and they support it!
Supporting your kids doesn’t mean you’re spoiling them, it’s a sign of how much you love them and that they can be sure that no matter what they do, they’ll have your full support… and you know what? I LOVE that feeling
“… growing up without a mother(she died when I was 10) has greatly influenced my desire to stay home and be with my kids to watch their growth process 24/7…”
off topic, but thanks to this article, I found something that somehow validated my strong desire to stay at home and be with my kids. My mom died when I was 6.
on to the topic, I cannot agree with you more Connie. Like you, I don’t even give my daughters any hint or suggestion as to what careers they should choose.
on a lighter note, when my daughter was still in nursery, she was asked what she would like to be when she grows up. Her answer: kinder.
puwede magpa-ampon? hehe. gusto ko maging chef tsaka interior designer.
dati pangarap ko maging doktor. i took up nursing in UP Manila but realized during my 2nd year that i feel nauseous when i see blood, so i shifted to Diliman and took up Film.
my work is okay but its uber stressful and it really affects my mood swings. i was about to be promoted by my bosses decided not to promote me because of my poor anger management.
life sucks but i gotta move on. so, going back to my proposal, puwede ba magpa-ampon?
My Dad wanted me to be a lawyer and I passed in 3 schools for college so that I could take up pre-law. I turned them all down, and to my Dad’s chagrin, I took up music in UST.
After I graduated, I learned that I couldn’t survive, so I ended up taking law and became a lawyer anyway. 
Go figure. Right now, I’m doing something related to both law and music. So everything worked out for the best. 
Been wanting to pay you a visit since I joined pinoymoms — here I am at last. Won’t be the last time. Looks like a great place!
My peso worth on the topic on the table — i thought years ago it would have been great to have engineers for sons. Sounded like a solid, practical, macho and industry-oriented job. My first son breezed through engineering. Para bang tumalikod lang ako — pag harap ko eh, oooh lala, tapos na sya … walang kasabitsabit. Expected that would happen again with the others. No dice. Iba iba talaga. Nabrainwash ko silang lahat about engineering. Result — frustrations, wasted years. Pero wasted nga ba? We don’t really know — they’re stlll works in progress. Sabi nga ni Juan (Steinbeck, haha) — HOPE, even hopeless hope never hurt nobody.
natawa ako sa sarili….
tatay wanted me to be like him as a lawyer
he had a very good memory, but i hated memorization
i didn’t want to disappoint him, so i took up prelaw in accounting…. turned out i finished before the 4th yr
and landed a career in accounting firm
now, it is our turn….
we don’t want our son to become us accountants-caretaker of somebodys fortune ….
he likes building legos, games and spacecrafts
so we encourage him to become an engineer and engage in robotics …. it is inspiring to see how he performs in robotics competition and told us it was his happiest moment… we just hope it will stay on course…. since we heard of a top Filipina design engineer (Michelle) in Northrup Grumman who is incharge of the latest E9 program – amazing person.
like our parents we just hope for the best!