When Sam and Alex were young, I did not encourage them to play with dolls. It’s just such a stereotype — as though telling girls that they have no future but taking care of babies. I encouraged puzzles. 3D puzzles like building blocks, including Lego. Jigsaw puzzles. And art. And, yes, interactive computer games including a program that taught them words in several languages. Each word came with an illustration that made learning easier. The girls shocked my mother when they started naming fruits in Spanish and Italian.
Then, there was Carmen San Diego which was a good introduction to geography and culture. But the ones they liked best was the Jump Start series — from pre-school to Grade Six.
Of course, grandmothers being grandmothers, the grandmothers from both sides of the family showered them with Barbie dolls. Thing is, after a few weeks of changing the dolls’ costumes, they were often found lying around forgotten — naked and filthy.
If you’re one of those parents who think that it is okay for little girls to play with dolls in preparation for the inevitability of motherhood, you might want to consider a more realistic approach.
At least it’s educational. 
P. S. Thanks to my brother-in-law, Sonny, again for the link to this video. Apparently, he has a lot of friends (who do nothing all day but surf the web for funnies) who forward links to him. LOL
LOL! I could use this to train CJ for when she gets a baby sister/brother!
lol. i don’t remember which grade (9th i think) my sister was in when she had one of these robot dolls that they had to take home with them for the weekend. they had to take care of “it” like they would a real baby. she bathed, fed, changed the diaper, burped, lulled it to sleep when it woke up crying in the middle of the night. she also had to take it with her everywhere she went. there was a microchip inside the doll that recorded if the “baby” was taken care of properly. after three days, my sister (who was the lakwatsera type) told me that for the first time in her life, she wished it was monday already so she could return the baby.
as for me, my Barbie dolls ended up with butchered hair (or bald), with one shoe missing and no underwear (or even naked). i hated those damn things.
Jon, LOL She might insist on a baby sister! hahaha
Karen, the only dolls I bought the girls were twin hand puppets. They had plastic heads and their “blanket” had a pocket at the back so you insert your hand and hold the doll so and it looks like you’re holding an infant. I thought they were fun because, from a distance, they looked almost real and we could fool just about everyone. Then, they called the dolls “tiyanak.” LOL I should have known. Never bought anything that resembled a doll after that.
And… I used to cut my dolls’ hair too LOL
Hello. Can’t anyone buy a child just for the fun of it? Why does it have to be about the “inevitability of motherhood”? I know someone who brings home a doll to her very young daughter from every country he visits. He said that without meaning to the dolls got his daughter interested in other countries’ national costumes and dances. I think it’s a pretty good way to open the child to other cultures.
I know of parents who used dolls to sort of soften the impact of an arriving sibling. In Germany, it’s also not uncommon for boys to play with dolls. In fact, my son got a couple from relatives and friends. There’s nothing sexist in playing with dolls. I think it encourages affective development. Hindi naman kailangang na puro intellectual lagi ang toys.
connie, dont be too hard on your kids (or yourself). worrying dolls would influence your kids to aspire for nothing but future reproduction is not necessarily a bad thing, unless you take it seriously.
by the way, this is my first comment, and i like your amusing sometimes unconventional views you include in your blogging.
I bought Mina a doll, she has two. I thought I’d give her all sorts of toys and decide which she likes the best. Here are her favorite toys: a bucket that’s filled with my old native bracelet from the Philippines, grandma’s old credit card, some beaded bracelets that are strong (so she can’t break it and swallow), an old cellphone, a web camera stand. You get the point, she’d rather play with non toys any day!
Eh, what does the girl doll version of this do, a puddle of pee on the carpet? Haha!
You won’t believe how many times that has happened to me. Man! And I don’t even HAVE a kid! Call it a trade hazard I guess… hehe.
When I was growing up, I had a baby doll but I stopped playing with it when I was 4. I was more interested in playing with Barbie dolls. For me, Barbie was my friend that accompanied with me on the adventures of my childhood. Sure, I dressed up my Barbie and played imaginary fashion show/read books to her.
Not once did my mom encourage me to take care of her or the baby doll I had in the manner that you’re describing.
Karmi, re “Why does it have to be about the “inevitability of motherhood”?”
Because it is a cultural stereotype that has to be done away with. It’s an “is” and it gets reinforced with toys. Just like little boys play with toy guns. Would your friend bring home those dolls if his kid were a boy? I doubt it. And US who grew up with the very same stereotypes have a hard time seeing it. “Fun” is never an isolated thing. It is a reaction to certain stimuli. And that is seriously affected with the stimulus we expose children to during the formative years.
Ruth, that’s Germany; it’ll take a long time for the Pinoy culture to accept that there is nothing wrong with boys playing with dolls. You should hear fashion designer Rajo Laurel’s account of what it was like when he was growing up and wanting to play with Barbie dolls. If it’s not sexist, why do ninongs and ninangs automatically buy dolls for female godchildren and toy cars or guns for male godchildren? I see it happen year in and year out.
Pinayhekmi, Sam and Alex went through that stage too. Took after their father who collected nuts and bolts hahaha
bariotic, hard on my kids? And myself? LOL If you think there is no fun in Carmen San Diego or Jump Start, think again. You know, parents should never underestimate kids and think that they can only have fun with things that they can hold. Tactile experience is good education, I don’t deny that, but there are so many things beyond that. And kids miss out on so much because a lot of parents are scared to venture into territories that they were not exposed to as children. Well, there’s such a thing as progress, right?
The sound of laughter and excitement that young children over a new discovery or achievement (especially true with 3D puzzles) is priceless.
Jet, aray ko hahahaha
Nikita, swerte mo. I know a lot — A LOT — of mothers who do that. And it’s funny how they try to wiggle out of questions like how come the brothers get to play in the yard with bang bang.
Let me begin by saying, I’m a proud married career woman and am a 24/7 mom to my child. I understand your concerns about wanting only the best for your children pero innocence is bliss ika nga, lighten up. Adults have a tendency to be too concerned about “matters of consequence” and details that children need not worry about. Instead of shying away from the stereotype, you’re magnifying it by denying your kids a chance to just be kids. Doll play example with Barbies encourages children to use their imagination and pretend play, there’s a princess Barbie, doctor, fashion model, etc. oh and let’s not forget Ken too. It helps kids emulate their environment and is a good indirect method to see what your child sees or learns when you’re not around and an opportunity for you as a parent to correct any misconceptions. It also promotes a great deal of creativity, self discovery on their individuality and interests. I agree, puzzles, legos are great ways to stimulate the mind. At this day and age, interactive computer games can be educational especially when kids need to be computer savvy BUT it has a tendency to discourage social interaction with other kids and often times encourages an isolated exchange. Whatever happened to just sitting down, and reading a good book or playing boardgames with your child? Pretend play with dolls or action figures teaches children how to resolve social conflicts and helps them develop interpersonal skills that will be great tools in their adult life. Isn’t contradictory for you to say, playing with dolls “It’s just such a stereotype — as though telling girls that they have no future” and yet you encourage folks to buy that baby doll, isn’t that encouraging your stereotype. It’s sad that your self- perception of women’s roles in society is so limited. Motherhood is a birthright, it is one of the greatest roles in making life flourish and come to full existence in this world. The difference between the women of today and yesterday is that we are empowered to make choices, we may be presented with different challenges and choices, but we have the privilege to say now “Yes, having a child is the future for me.” OR “No, I choose a different path.” So give your children a chance to have that freedom to be able to empower themselves, make their choices with your guidance and not pass judgment on for example people who have dedicated their lives to taking care of their children full time. Too much information and caution negates any possibility for children’s minds to grow and be open to new things and promotes ignorance and prejudice. So lighten up, live a little.
Alohafil, it seems to me that you equate learning with “not fun” hence your advice that I “lighten up, live a little”. That is really sad. Your advice is appreciated, but not taken because I find it misguided. Rather, I will advice you to “free your mind” and broaden your horizons so you will know how much fun there is out there beyond your current experience.
“Doll play example with Barbies encourages children to use their imagination and pretend play, there’s a princess Barbie, doctor, fashion model, etc. oh and let’s not forget Ken too.”
I encourage imagination and creativity and that’s why the likes of Lego and art work were encouraged. You may not realize it but it is FUN TO CREATE and FUN TO ACHIEVE and FUN FOR A CHILD to know how much he can do. It also develops self-confidence.
How does playing with Barbie princesses and fashion models achieve that? Unless your child can sew and create dresses for them… Princesses and fashion models ARE NOT fitting role models for children, as far as I am concerned because they encourage vanity and materialism. It breeds the thinking that GOOD LOOKS alone can make a person complete. You don’t know how much you echo doll ads. Ever considered how much of your opinion has been put in your head by doll manufacturers?
Learn about doctors from Barbie? LOL My girls learned about doctors by actually visiting the doctor. Oh, the dentist too.
“It helps kids emulate their environment.”
The princess and fashion model make-believe environment? I’d really rather that they didn’t. When my kids wanted to explore their environment, they rode bikes, ran on fields during picnics, made sandcastles, picked flowers so they could look closer, took care of pets… Why should kids emulate their environment when they can INTERACT with the environment? Ahhh, right, for you that is not fun at all. LOL
“At this day and age, interactive computer games… BUT it has a tendency to discourage social interaction with other kids and often times encourages an isolated exchange.”
LOL That is such a narrow-minded approach at learning. You might want to discourage reading too because it is an “alone” activity. You talk about a tendency — let me tell you about FACTS. More than one child can enjoy a game at a time. In fact, my daughters enjoyed a lot of bonding time over the “talking dictionary.”
I won’t bother with the rest. The lack of paragraph breaks in your comment makes it hard to read. My kids learned about paragraph breaks from Jump Start, you know? You might want to try it sometime.
Nice to hear from you Connie! I’m glad you responded, I must say you came off to me as the intellect and yet it surprised me to see you missed the whole point. Like you, I encourage my child to go on nature trips, ride bikes, go camping, and travel different environments. These are all great opportunities for children to experience life up close and personal. Obviously, the doll playing aspect is a small fraction of a child’s playing environment and in my opinion although small is essential to their learning. Barbie is just one example of a doll. I agree, Barbie and Ken are not to be taken as role models but would you rather that they play with Bratz dolls? Children are very resilient and smart. I think you have underestimated children’s ability to know that Barbie and Ken are just pretend. Remember, that’s why it’s called “pretend play” it’s not real. Children are also impressionable. So as parents it is our role to jump in and guide our children or correct any misconceptions.
As for reading a book, I did say, “whatever happened to you (the parent) reading a good book to your child and playing boardgames with your children. That’s a form of social interaction. And what’s wrong with having your child reading a book alone, it’s not isolation it’s a moment of intellectual process, that encourages them to formulate their own opinions and encourages them to discuss their point of views when in a group like let’s say a classroom. Children also need quiet time.
I’m sorry the lack of paragraph breaks distracted you from seeing the whole point of this discussion. I understand. After all, long term use of the computer can contribute to attention deficit.
Whatever happened to “Ang mga magulang ang unang guro sa mga anak”, EDUCATION STARTS AT HOME NOT EDUCATION STARTS FROM JUMP START.
The problem with your thinking, Alohafil, is that you interpret my entry as me PREVENTING the girls from playing with dolls. I never said that did I? Because if I did, the Barbie dolls would never have been allowed to enter the house in the first place. They did buy Bratz dolls when they were much older, around 9 or 10. And that was okay because NOBODY DUMPED the dolls on them and they were old enough to understand what they were for. Surprisingly or not, the interest in Bratz lasted for about 6 months and that was that.
“long term use of the computer can contribute to attention deficit.”
That depends on how you use the computer, and your level of skill in using it. If you’re just typing on it, yes that would be true. But for the rest of us who CREATE with the use of computers — and this is something you might not understand — it is a great exercise for learning focus, discipline and patience.
“EDUCATION STARTS AT HOME NOT EDUCATION STARTS FROM JUMP START.”
Nice attempt to sound nice (as with the “attention deficit” bit) but with the hidden insult. Sadly, as with your first comment, it is again a case of putting words in my mouth and trying to make it appear as though I recommend Jump Start as a substitute for parents teaching kids. That’s the problem with too much Barbie, you know — the capacity for understanding and analyzing stays underdeveloped.
If you really believe that Barbie and Ken are better learning tools than computers, it’s your choice. A pity, but it’s your choice.
it’ll take a long time for the Pinoy culture to accept that there is nothing wrong with boys playing with dolls.
i agree. but i think that like breastfeeding, parents (mothers especially, being the usual primary childcare giver) need only to be more open, to make educated choices, for them to accept something that is shunned by the older generation. sure, it will take time, but i think columnists like you have the potential to spur that change
Oh, Ruth, you can’t know how seriously I take that challenge.
So damn hard sometimes especially since the rest of media are championing the cause of the milk manufacturers. When I wrote Ads, milk formulas and picky eaters, I got a lot of hate mail. LOL
Barbies…ugh. I think I’ll start now and tell my parents and aunt not to ever buy Mina a barbie doll. I don’t plan on encouraging barbies, or bratz, nor do I plan to read her books about Cinderella or Snow White or any “classic” fairy tales that leave the “heroine” to be rescued. Or maybe I will read it to her when she’s older so I can explain how the princesses in it lack true heroine qualities.
Pinayhekmi, my sentiments exactly. Mulan and Pocahontas are much preferable over Cinderella and Snow WHite.
Hay naku Connie, di mo pa rin gets, like I said “doll playing is a SMALL fraction of a child’s playing environment”. This is what I mean, lighten up, you’re always on the defense here, let your hang ups on Barbie and Ken go, manika lang yan.
C- is for Contradiction
Exhibit 1: 1st Contradiction “When Sam and Alex were young, I did not encourage them to play with dolls. It’s just such a stereotype — as though telling girls that they have no future but taking care of babies.” and yet you encourage folks to buy a baby doll, doesn’t that project and encourage your stereotype that “telling girls that they have no future but taking care of babies.”"
Exhibit 2: 2nd Contradiction Barbie and Ken are not good role models and yet you buy your girls Bratz dolls, what kind of role models are you exactly setting here:)
O sige, I’ll cut you a little slack here since you’ve dug up a big enough hole for yourself and buried yourself beyond recovery.
I grant you clemency and suggest you give yourself a break here, c’mon put that mouse down, let your fingers take a break from keyboarding, turn off the computer monitor, take a deep breath, exhale, open your mind and your front door and get back in touch with the real world, and CREATE something for real.
I’m glad that my contribution has added much needed spice in your virtual world, my job is done here, blog intervention accomplished!
Wow, Alohafil, you’re really something.
GIVING 2 to 3 year old kids Barbies and 9 to 10 year olds DECIDING FOR THEMSELVES that they wanted Bratz are two different things. And it’s not like the “9 to 10 year old” wasn’t specified. You won’t understand what you refuse to understand.
Cutting ME some slack? Oh my goodness! That is the funniest yet. As if I’m the one who said one can learn from fashion model Barbies! Amen.
I forgive you. Too much Barbie in your youth and head, really. Get a life. Computers and blogs have much more use than for trolling. Oh, you can Google “trolling.” But you can’t learn that from Barbie so don’t go looking under her hair and dress.
Enough said.
I didn’t have a doll but I did have a big stuffed goose. I cried when my mom threw if away cause she couldn’t repair it anymore and all the stuffing kept coming out all over the house hahahaha