In a previous entry, Sha, “a Misplaced Filipina in Greece”, mentioned that her European boss has triplets and the nannies are teachers. I was about to respond — had actually started to compose my response — when I realized that the response was already as long as an entry. I’m posting it as a new entry instead.
Okay. In the previous entry that I mentioned, the comment thread shows just how clueless yayas (nannies) can be when it comes to the welfare of the children they have been hired to look after. Some are downright abusive. After Sha posted her comment, I paused and wondered, “Are we being fair in expecting yayas to be more?” I look back and realize that was my mistake. I hired a house helper and I shouldn’t have expected her to be more than that. It goes without saying, of course, that I still expected honesty.
If we look at the backgrounds of many of these girls who get hired as yayas, very few have have had prior training to take care of babies and young children. In most cases, their only qualification is that they need the job for serious financial reasons. It’s the same with many house helpers in Filipino homes. It is easier to train house helpers with routine house work, but how does one teach a yaya to acquire “malasakit” for her charge? How does one teach her to acquire an interest in learning — an attitude that can serve as a good example to the kids — and ditch the obsession over crappy TV shows? That’s really tantamount to reshaping her personality and character — not a simple feat considering that she is, after all, a creature shaped by her childhood and life prior to her becoming a hired help. The thing is, a girl does not automatically become a yaya because she was hired to take care of children. She does not automatically acquire the skills just because the label yaya has been dumped on her.
These girls — most of whom have been plucked from remote rural areas — do not have the same background and educational training as nannies and governesses of old who were often educated but impoverished women. Let’s not even go back to hundreds of years ago. I’m sure you’re aware of the story of Maria Von Trapp. In countries where the standard of living is much higher than ours, they can still afford to hire nannies and governesses genuinely qualified for the job. Nannies who are trained or practical nurses and governesses who are real teachers. These are nannies who have a good understanding of what is good and bad — physically, emotionally and mentally — for a child; and these are governesses who are capable of helping teach young children their ABCs and 123s, of initiating meaningful games, of holding productive conversations…
But we, in this Third World country, can hardly afford nannies of that caliber. In fact, even if we could, I doubt if we will given our prejudices and predispositions. Most mothers don’t like hiring middle-aged yayas. This is especially true among young mothers. The middle-aged yaya, often with the qualification of having raised her own children, is perceived to already possess an “attitude”. More than that, an experienced yaya means a higher starting salary.
Then, there’s the predisposition to regard a yaya simply as someone to do the dirty menial jobs that mothers prefer not to do — clean up the puke, carry the child so Mommy can enjoy shopping, wash the feeding bottles, mop the pool of pee… They are hired to do routine manual work so why should we expect them to be capable of more? Unless they have had a long experience with the nanny job, it’s really unrealistic to expect them to acquire the personality and skills of an honest-to-goodness yaya in a few weeks or even months.
The truth is, most families don’t have real yayas. They have house helpers and those assigned to the kids are automatically referred to by the parents as yayas. It has nothing to do with skills whatsoever. I know someone who uses the label because of an affectation. She is well aware that she has two house helpers yet, in public, she refers to them as her kids’ yayas because yaya sounds more sosyal and it somehow conjures an image of a higher economic status. Then, she complains when the so-called yayas fail to live up to the role. Crazy.
Aye… This is another I agree to totally. That’s why I’ve always been very active in raising my kids. Never letting up and instilling lessons to my kids myself. Especially since their mommy isn’t that interested in instilling lessons outside of etiquette. Not that I don’t provide those particular lessons, too. But the etiquette lessons I provide are of Chinese origins. Hers is Filipino. hehehe
“She is well aware that she has two house helpers yet, in public, she refers to them as her kids’ yayas because yaya sounds more sosyal and it somehow conjures an image of a higher economic status.”
yup, i agree. maraming ganyan.
nice blog design
Re your last paragraph. Very true. Maraming ganyan talaga. You see them everywhere. Yung iisa lang ang anak pero 3 ang kasamang “yaya”. Isa para taga-tulak ng stroller, isa taga-bitbit ng bag, at isa tagahabol sa bata. And mind you, ang tawag sa yaya ay “nana”. Yan ang uso ngayon sa mga “sosi” at “pasosi”. Naku, baka may magalit sa akin
“I hired a house helper and I shouldn’t have expected her to be more than that.”
so true and I so agree. My father, whom I always vent my frustrations (bukod sa Blog ko) re: our kasambahay says: “Alam mo anak, yang mga katulong, kaya sila pumasok sa ganyang trabaho kasi kulang ang kaalaman nila, madalas sila yung mga hindi halos nakatapos ng pag-aaral….Kaya ikaw, habaan mo pasensya mo etc etc..”
“sosi” at “pasosi”
LOL that is so, so picturesque.
IMHO that’s one main reason why we get these kinds of problems. We don’t set realistic expectations, both for ourselves and those we deal with.
That’s why it’s important we let them know what is expected and what they expect din. If both can’t meet somewhere, then it’s likely not a good fit and time to part ways amicably.
I had to learn this the hard way, though. But it’s a lesson well-learned.
we used to have a household helper who comes once a week for four hours — she cleans the house, irons my hubby’s shirts and babysits when needed. she left us stating health reasons, but i doubt it, the last time i saw her, she was driving a mercedes benz! since am a stay at home mom, i havent really thought about having a yaya. my husband once asked me if i needed one, the thing is, i dont really know how to deal with one! pag meron, i’ll call her nana, para mas sosi, haha!
I have travelled with my boss family and took care of the triplets as well… I was mainly responsible for their welfare when they are with me. That involves teaching them to be independent helping them to be responsible adults in the future. I even took them out for fine dining as a part of them learning to cope with social activities.
But my boss made it very clear to the nannies and staff that never ever we are allowed to spank them.
Part of my activities if i take care of them is to help them read, teach them crafts I even taught the girl cross stitch and photography.
Of course our nannies are paid well they are trained with child psychology!!!
raqgold, that’s all we need too — someone to clean the house and do the ironing. saka taong-bahay when we travel.
sha, dyan naman, with the qualifications that nannies are expected to possess, they oughta be paid well. LOL they deserve it.
Can’t say it any better. I watched am aunt go through so many yayas because she can’t seem to find the “perfect” yaya. The fact of the matter is, it’s really very difficult to do so. There was one lady who took care of us before and she was a patient old lady and she seems to be the best but she isn’t a teacher. She is there to look after us.
Here in the US, there is a program called Au Pair where people who can afford it can choose a well educated lady from different countries. But it’s really takes money to do so.
When we were scouting around for a day care, I was really disappointed with what I saw. I didn’t want people who can’t even speak good English take care of my daughter. That’s why I stayed home. The ones who did have a good staff took $1,500 per month for infants. After deducting taxes, food, clothes, gas and childcare I would just be making a few dollars. It wasn’t worth it.
“Most mothers don’t like hiring middle-aged yayas. This is especially true among young mothers.”
My daughter was only 11 days old when we moved to Dgte from Luzon. My mother specifically told me, if ever we get a hired help, to get someone who is older than me and have kids of her own so that i would not worry so much about my daughter’s “well-being”. And my mother was proven correct! Although, Inday Sima, wasn’t hired as a yaya, she took upon herself to help me look after my daughter and as if my daughter is also one of her own. I have seen how she sucked the “ascaris” from my daughter’s nose when my daughter got afflicted; i have witnessed how Inday Sima put these herbal leaf medicines when my daughter gets afflicted with “impetigo”. Inday Sima also taught me how to apply vinegar on the body of a feverish person. And other things. Those things she did, she knew, they may not wash well with me…that’s attitude on her part. But in totality that Inday Sima was with us for 7 years I know deep in her heart, she loved and cared for my daughter. Actually, she still does. My daughter calls her Mama Inday!
Because “real” nannies are too expensive, most british families (as in di Pinoy) hire “au pairs” instead. When I started preparing for Kelvin’s homecoming officemates were keen to recommend sites where you can get EU “au pairs”. These are students, who’d study at night (mostly English language!!) and stay with your kid during the day. The trick is all the sites have a disclaimer that the au pairs are NOT to be left alone with the child, they’re more like companions or alalay. But heck the families treat them like nannies anyway.
So see, the situation here is not so different there. Naiba lang ng context hehe
Hello dear,
My name JOHN SMITH, 34 years single parent with two kids, a financial Consultant with HSBC Bank London looking for an aupair or nanny who will be looking after my little kids in my home,when i am off to work. the reason why i am looking for an aupair/nanny is that my present aupair will be resigning her post to go back to her home country Dominican Republic by this month, so due to the nature of my job, i would be needing someone to take over from her in my absents. I needs an aupair that is homely, careing,experienced that can take good care of my kids. I will put up a good offer GBP500.00 Pounds per week to secure the services of someone with good qualitie to look after my kids, and Kindly email me in regards to this offer. I will be very grateful if i can get a positive reply from you, and do not forget to give me your full details as soon as possible.
Kind regard,
JOHN SMITH