Two nights ago, Speedy and I were watching TV in the family room when Alex walked in. Wearing an expression that was a picture of disgust and tension, she asked, “May utak ba ang butiki (Do lizards have brains)?”
She and I both knew it was a DUH question and she was just being sarcastic so, with a poker face, I replied, “Oo (Yes)…”
Her voice rising, she said, “Gaano kalaki (How big)?”
I said, “Maliit (Small)…”
With eyes wide in anger, and in a voice that drowned out the TV, she blurted out, “Bakit siya sunod nang sunod sa akin — hindi ba n’ya maintindihan kung bakit ako palayo nang palayo sa kanya (Why does it keep following me — can’t it understand why I keep moving away)?”
It turned out that she encountered a lizard on the stairs. I could almost picture her squeezing against the wall as she walked down with her eyes fixed on the lizard on the ceiling and panicking as it moved nearer. Okay, that might sound like paranoia but there’s an antecedent so Alex’s reaction to the presence of lizards is really the result of some kind of trauma.
When we built a second kitchen in what used to be a gazebo, I mentioned that we stopped using the gazebo as an outdoor dining area. I didn’t tell the whole story back then but it really contextualizes the dialogue from a few nights ago.
One night last year, we were having dinner outdoors. In the gazebo in the garden. Speedy had left the table and there were just the three of us — Sam, Alex and myself. We were almost done and we were just lounging around when Alex noticed a lizard on the ceiling. Next thing I knew, Alex was screaming, her chair tilted backward and she looked suspended in mid-air as her scream pierced the balmy night. I was on my feet, hoping to reach her before the chair fell over backward completely and, in a split second, the chair did fall over, Alex got up (apparently unhurt) and ran toward the house.
I didn’t even see the lizard when it fell on her (on her thigh, she told us later, as she described the yucky clammy cold sensation). But the scream, I will never forget. It was one long sustained scream which I felt at the time lasted for several minutes but which must have lasted only for a couple of seconds. I fell down on my chair, exhausted by the sound of the scream, and Sam muttered that people in the adjacent subdivisions must have heard her sister.
We never ate a meal in the gazebo after that. And so we turned it into an outdoor kitchen.
When Alex was having a fit two nights ago, I told her it was the same lizard from the gazebo and it was following her around hoping for a kiss so it could turn back into Prince Charming. Alex didn’t think it was funny (I think she threw a pillow at me) but Speedy laughed hard. Well, at least, someone found it funny.
I don’t like lizards. But I can live with them. They stay away most of the time. I don’t know why they seem to like Alex so much but they don’t bug me. What I can’t live with are ants, mosquitoes, cockroaches, flies and rats. We rarely encounter flies, rats and cockroaches but mosquitoes and ants, shucks, we have them in abundance. Indoors and outdoors.
Ecological concerns aside, when I see ants, I feel murderous. Literally. There was an episode over then years ago when we were still living in the city that the girls remember very clearly to this day. I saw a trail of ants in the kitchen, I took a pair of scissors and I cut an ant’s body in half. Seriously. I don’t remember what I did with the rest. Probably poured boiling water over them.
If Alex was mortified by a lizard falling on her lap, she’d be forever scarred if she gets hit by their feces.
It’s one of the most vile and disgusting things I’ve ever smelled and touched! And mind you, my Biology back ground has toughened me when it comes to animal parts, fluids and what have you.
Where did you get hit?
On the back of my head. I smudged the God-awful thing all over my hair when I felt around for something that landed on me. T_T
It felt like egg white but smelled far worse than rotten eggs!
That’s why I too have become a bit weary of lizards on walls or ceilings.
Yuuuuckkkk!!!!
i experienced that too…the awful smell plus the slimy feeling. super yuck talaga.
then i remember my funny moments with these pests. i killed a lizard by squeezing it on the door jamb…i have killed so many cockroaches already after accidentally stepping unto them.
like you ms. connie, i have cut so many ants bodies nah and i even fry them in a frying pan whenever i get bored. hehehe! one time i got so mad coz they invaded our leftover bread, eh nagutom ako tapos wala nang ibang food sa pantry, so what i did i put the bread together with the ants in the oven toaster and toasted them. hahaha! 
Has Alex seen a lizard’s tail, without the rest of the body, wagging by itself? lol I am with you on the mosquitoes. One of the downsides of summer here are the resurrection of mosquitoes, ants and flies. Not as many as in the Philippines and only on warm, humid days but still a nuisance.
i share the same irrational fear for lizards.. i find them too creepy, picturing one makes all my hairs stand.. having a pet bayawak didnt help my disgust for reptiles..
The ViXeN’s LaiR
i can tolerate rats and even touch cockroaches but never lizards especially those that had just broke out from their shell.. ewww i can see their veins.. gahh!
If not for Alex, I wouldn’t know of lizard brain.
http://www.instantbrainstorm.com/lizard_brain.html
Alex can throw her slippers at lizard everytime to draw its brain into overdrive.
Can’t blame Alex. Takot din ako sa reptiles. When I was a kid, I saw a bayawak eat our chicken alive. Since then takot na ako sa kanila.
By the way, have you tried using vinegar to kill ants? Pero be careful not to pour it too close to any plant. It will kill them. We tried this on an anthill sa yard namin last week. So far wala pa akong nakikitang ant na lumalabas. Sana lang napatay pati queen para wipe out ang colony. Pero the best daw is borax mixed with anything sweet.
So amusing
Ang cute @ “may brain ba…” Her scream is reminiscent of and runs in the same channel as the screams of some people I know when they come across any of those creatures mentioned lol
Geri, re lizard’s tail: I don’t think she has but I HAVE. Oh boy, first time I did when I was a young girl, I freaked out hahaha
damnvixen, you have a pet bayawak? Whoa. Do you keep it in a cage or does it have the run of the house?
d0d0ng, re the linked article, instead of thinking of lizards, Lizard’s Brain reminded me of ACTUAL PEOPLE. Sheesh, I can write an entire article citing instances when specific persons reacted with Lizard’s Brain hahahaha
Carol B., re vinegar, no, not yet. The problem is really worse inside the house and I’m worried that the house would smell of vinegar. You think lemon juice or kalamansi juice will do too?
Donna, her sarcasm works overtime sometimes hahahaha
Johnson’s baby powder works best against those ants! Try it… maybe because the smell is so unlike the smell of food. I know that it works kasi dati rin I had a problem with ants, and since that discovery, wala na.
Paano sa kitchen? When the wind blows the baby powder will get into the food…
According to my research, ants will not cross anything with talc – chalk, baby powder, etc – but it will not kill them. I never tried lemon or calamansi. Sabi it is the acetic acid in vinegar that kills the ants, so siguro it will work. Why dont you try and then let your readers know kung nagwork?
Ms Connie, re sarcasm, she does remind me of something (or someone) – the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree daw
Just kidding. That’s a compliment though 
HAHAHA I know!!! Bow.
the bayawak is in the bird cage all the time if we let her loose she will run away.. juvy pa kc ^^
Wala akong problema sa butiki, pero sa flying ipis.. *shudders*
When the girls were toddlers, they were in the car with their dad (I wasn’t with them) and they saw a small ipis at the backseat. Speedy still remembers the hysterical screaming that went on, Alex crouched on the floor and… well, shall we just say I’m glad I wasn’t there…
We live in a commercial area and there are lots of places where ants, mice, lizards, mosquitoes and rodents breed, hide and get food.
I don’t mind lizards. I actually love to have lots of them as they eat mosquitoes. Naawa pa nga ako because one time it was caught in the fly paper which I seta as trap for mice.
I know it’s disgusting but I’ll admit that we have rats, ants and roaches in the house. Good thing that when Ondoy soaked our home, none of us acquired Leptospirosis. We used to have a cat in the house who went after the rats but she’s dead now. Sana magkaroon ng domesticated python who’s small enough not to harm humans but big enough to scare those rodents away. ^_^
Right now, we resort to fly paper which is quite effective and mas madali compared when I use Dora or Racumin.
As for ants, well they could be a manifestation that your house is being conquered by termites. Always check where they are usually found. Delikado ang mga door jambs, furniture pieces pati cabinetry pag nagkataon. I read in some site that black ants actually bring good luck and they don’t bite so hinahayaan ko lang sila.
Well some effective ant and roach killers are Borax powder and insect chalk but I don’t think it’s advisable since you have lots of pets at home. Siguro just seal everything that ants and roaches will surely feast on. We bought a roach poison trap and so far effective naman siya because ang dami talagang patay na ipis. Isa lang ang maka-ingest ng lason and mahahawa na yung iba.
Effective din daw ang siling labuyo for ants and pandan leaves for roaches.
Lastly, always check your books, roaches also eat paper when they have nothing to nibble on.
Re fly paper. Oh, yes, we used them to trap small mice when we were living in the city. Very effective. But disposing of the trapped mice was another issue altogether.
We had the termite people treat the whole house, including the garden. Apparently, once a year isn’t enough. Should be twice a year or even four times a year.
Would you believe that there are places in Manila where cats are nowhere to be found?
Try some areas in Tondo and maybe start from Velasquez or Vitas.
And why is that? Don’t tell us they turned into siopao ingredients *shudders at the thought*
Ginagawang pulutan he he he…
hi Ms Connie! we have terrible red ant problem too! they lay tracks in and out of the house. what i did was line the track with ground black pepper. then wipe the cabinets with calamansi water and they disappeared after a day or two
Kalamansi water… now that should smell better than vinegar! I’ll try that. Thanks.
when i was a kid in our province, i was so afraid with the lizards but my mom told us that we shouldn’t because they were sent from heaven…