I usually spend an hour or two on Sunday evening OR an hour or two on Monday morning to write Tuesday’s op-ed column. This time, it’s a little different though. I submitted the column on Saturday afternoon because we were planning on going to the Balloon Fest in Clark on Sunday.
As things turned out, my husband and I spent Sunday running errands. We knew we would never be able to leave early Sunday morning for Clark because our older girl, Sam, got home very late on Saturday evening after seeing a concert with friends. No way we would be able to get her out of bed before noon on Sunday.
So, we agreed to have the carpenter work on Sunday. What the heck. We want to have everything finished as soon as possible. The cabinets are all done but we wanted to have a few things fixed in the kitchen. Exceptionally skilled workers are so hard to come by these days (they’re all leaving for work abroad) so we figured we might as well take advantage of this gem of a cabinet maker that we found through a friend. While Speedy bought door handles, drawer guides, hinges and I-don’t-know-what-else at MC Depot, I went to SM Hypermarket beside Tiendesitas for some heavy food shopping (everyone’s been complaining about the empty fridge and pantry).
Because my routine was disrupted — not having a column to read for and write on Sunday evening — I started surfing the net like crazy (I needed the mental stimulation) and found some articles that really caught my attention. The first is an article that says marriage counseling is dead; the second is about “multi-dadding”, a term I never heard of before.
Dr. Max Vogt suggests you drop the “experts” and become master of your own marriage, and get better results. [Media Syndicate]
Marriage counseling may work for some but my husband and I have always taken the DIY approach in solving our marital troubles. At one specially difficult time, we considered it, but then we managed to work things out ourselves. Personally, I see marriage counselors as people who bleed you dry off your hard-earned money which they do not deserve to get for just sitting there, listening to you and telling you what you should do with your marriage and your life. It’s my life and my marriage — why should I give someone else the power to dictate their course? It just ain’t my style.
So, when I read about a marriage counselor who actually says that self-direction yields more positive results, I feel vindicated. You know, that I’m not just being a cynical bitch who thinks everyone is out there to steal my money.
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I've never tried marriage counselling. Just counselling as an individual. Same with my husband. Then we meet together as a couple with our therapist. Our issues were about our personal selves . Counselling is not for everyone . Our marriage suffered because of unhealthy grief . We had to do this because I wanted to parted ways and before I made that final decision, I wanted to see if our marriage would still work if my husband worked on his grief.
There are counsellors at CEFAM (Center for Family Ministries) at Don Bosco Makati and Ateneo Makati which just requires a donation. I think minimum is 300 to 500 pesos. Counsellors normally charge 1000 to 1500 for a n hour session. The CEFAM type of counsellig worked for my sister's marriage. It didn't work for me. We went to a grief counsellor that could relate more to our pain.
So it goes to show that marriage counselling is not for everyone.
hehe multi-dadding. I know someone who did that. You know who of course…hehe
The children seem to get along well . It's just the mother keeps looking for a man in her life. And the children look up to the current boyfriend as the "father figure".
Honey, "I've met several people who, even though already married, can not seem to let go of their mother's skirts. And the sad thing is that the mother cannot seem to let go of their married kids."
This seems to be one of the negative offshoots of "close family ties."
Sexy Mom, naku, you should see all those counseling sites on the net — from marriage to parenting. It's a thriving business, alright.
When Noemi mentioned CEFAM, it rang a bell. We went there once, in Ateneo. Not for marriage counseling though but to have Alex evaluated — "gifted" daw sabi ng pre-school teachers.
Regarding marriage, counselling, it's good if the two people in a marriage are mature individuals. The problem arises if they are immature (although old enough to marry and have kids). Sometimes the man thinks "Since I am the padre de familia, , what I say, goes" and the woman thinks, "If you love me, what I say goes". I've met several people who, even though already married, can not seem to let go of their mother's skirts. And the sad thing is that the mother cannot seem to let go of their married kids. In those cases, I think counselling should be availed of
hello ms. connie…this really isn't about marriage counseling or multi-dadding….i just need to find out how you link the post that you wrote on your blog to the pinoymomsnetwork…pasensiya na, talagang (computer) technically challenged
please feel free to e-mail me directly…i appreciate the help…thanks!
Ah… you post an excerpt, tapos below type "Read the resr of this entry". Highlight "Read the rest of your entry" then click the "link" button.
noemi, yours was more than a marriage problem and that's why you really needed professional help.
i was thinking more in the line of usual marital spats that a little willingness to grow up can't solve.
"multi-dadding. I know someone who did that. You know who of course"
i wonder how it turned out.
i have seen and read a lot of marriages falling apart, some for very simple reasons of falling out of love or incompatibility. a lot of couples must have forgotten the vows made in marriage. i really do not know what needs to be done. maybe it is high time that we re-learn the basics, be reminded of the sanctity of marriage. maybe, marriage counselors can help, but yes, they bleed dry their clients of money. couples must be made aware of their options. noemi has mentioned the counselors in Don Bosco and Ateneo, but they are very small in number. peer counseling, in church or local government units perhaps?