Back to Gringo. The arresting officers say he was caught in his alleged lover’s townhouse “with his pants down”. There’s a wife’s perspective discussion about the getting-caught-in-blatant-adultery angle in Noemi’s blog.
Something like that happened with my parents when I was in Grade 2. There were no police officers, of course. My father was not a fugitive ex-politician (he was a lawyer and so is my mother). I don’t know what provoked my mother to follow him but, one day, she did. She got into a cab and followed him all the way to another’s woman’s house. She rang the doorbell, swept past through the househelp, went up the stairs and into the bedroom. She pulled out a gun (a very cute .25 caliber Colt pistol) on my father and the woman, and I don’t know what kind of words there were between them. I don’t know whether, like Gringo, there were references to his libido.
My father got dressed and drove home with my mother. As soon as they got home, she went up to the bedroom which had a window overlooking the garage. She threw out my father’s clothes through the window and onto the garage. Kinda brings the saying “threw him out” beyond the realm of figurative speech. My brother and I weren’t there — we were in school.
Anyway, that’s my mother’s version. The uncanny thing is, on more than one occasion, my father confirmed that that was how things exactly happened. Of course, by that time, we could only laugh about the whole episode. I’m sure that at the time it happened, there was trauma from every direction. But, later on, well… it was too much like a scene from a movie.
Oh, yes, they separated after my mother threw out his clothes. My father lived with the other woman (there were occasional separations though) and was still with her until the day he died. Was there resentment on my part? Sure. I was seven years old and very much Daddy’s Girl. Of course, there was resentment. But, later on, well… I realized it takes two to destroy a marriage. My mother was no adulteress but she wasn’t perfect. Problem was her pride wouldn’t let her admit her own faults and I think that’s tragic… When I was older, I spent a lot of time with my father and the other woman — weekends and, sometimes, entire weeks during the summer. So, that should tell you how things turned out.
If something like that happened to Speedy and I, would I pull out a gun on him? Would I scream profanities like Jane Honasan? You know, I think that if something like that happens, by the time it happens, the marriage would have long been over. Nothing like that happens in a good marriage. So what would be the point of pulling out a gun or screaming profanities? An acknowledgment that the marriage is irrevocably over would be more proper. I will never fight to keep a man because a man I have to fight for is a man not worth keeping. Of course, that’s just me. 
Pages: 1 2
I admire you for being very transparent on that issue.
On one hand, my kumander will always tell me – "I don't have control on whatever you do outside the house. You can have it by a kilo. You don't have to buy the whole pork".
Lakas ng loob nya kasi nasa kanya ang ATM ko.
Ha ha ha…
can you imagine how much harder it was to write something like this than to write about politics?
wow connie…and I will refer to you by your name this time since you made the leap and opened your life to us hehe.
What is it about the filipino culture and the "other" woman? My grandfather had countless mistresses, and don't even get me started on my dad.
I'm very happily married, I can't even picture the thought, but I think a lot of the problem is the culture that condones it and the women who would entertain married men….what's up with that?
On my first trip back to the PI as a married man, I had a bet/argument with my best friend who flew with me. I told him I doubt I'd be much help in picking up girls for him since I have a ring around my finger, he said that that would actually work in my favor, since women would be challenged by the sight of it…
Who do you think won? =)
hey, chris, I HOPE you won.
Re culture. Maybe it even goes beyond condonation. I really think it's more of an EXPECTATION, as though womanizing was a test of manhood, and an assertion of superiority. You know, like the husband is saying to his wife: I'm the man and head of the family so you have to live with my decisions, and accept my womanizing because your role is to obey.
Unfortunately, my friend was right…noticed it the first night I was out. Even told my wife about it, we had a good laugh at the whole mess…
What is sadly still very common is a filipina's acceptance of this. I think if we had more women who wouldn't think twice about dumping the fool who breaks a marriage's trust then infidelity would start becoming less commonplace.
Hi Con. Your mom went through a very harrowing experience. I believe in fidelity and trust in marriage…sometimes it takes time for both spouses to grow up and learn about true love and sacrifice.
Hello Connie, I hope you still remember me (attymommy).
I used to kid my husband that if he ever strays, I would make sure that I file all criminal charges imaginable against him that he would end up spending every day of his life attending court hearings. But I am always quick to take it back by saying that, no, on second thought, he would not be worth my time and energy.
"I will never fight to keep a man because a man I have to fight for is a man not worth keeping"
… exactly what I had in mind
Sam, there are claims that the incidence of monogamy in marriage is actually much lower because a lot of people claim to be monogamous when they really aren't (source).
Lee, LOL I used to say that too — including taking full custody of the kids and dropping his surname from the kids' name hehehehe
#5 There is that wrong notion of women about married men that they are off limits and maybe, can be teased as they are bound by the marriage vow. On the contrary, experienced men take the shift of (ir)responsibility upon women when they give off flirting signal knowing their married status.
It may not stop there. Women take it with pride being able to get the married man's attention. When the flirting gets too serious, personal lives are broken.
I was chuckling as I read your story – good one, specially the second to the last line. Well, I've never strayed from the straight and narrow and been to many places just by myself. But whenever I get the chance to go home to Manila – which is very rare – the wife always wants to tag along. I don't have any skeletons in my closet so I wonder why!
d0d0ng, nice point about the distinction between non-harmful flirting and the kind that ruins lives. responsible people should know at what point to stop flirting.
LOL Al, you mean she finds Filipinas more threatening than women of any other race…??? Now, I wonder why.
There seems to be a sense that it's the women playing eve, encouraging married men to stray. I'd like to point out that in the last 12 months, I, as a single woman have been asked out no less than 8 times by married men, without any provocation. I don't play the flirt, and I knew they were married, so I'd never even try to encourage them to stray. Yet, the numbers tell me that they are seeking opportunities to have extramarital sex without much encouragement. When I've asked a few of them why they'd even presume to ask a single woman out when they know it's not right, their response tends to be "boredom." What bothers me the most is that some of them have only been married a year or less. And they're already being unfaithful! By asking someone out, they were already indicating their moral decay.
I must have missed this entry from my feed reader. It was my husband who "suggested" I write about this "other woman" . I am sure it was hard for you to write this entry. There are many private matter I'd rather not blog about. I'll tell you some day.
noemi, "There are many private matter I'd rather not blog about. I'll tell you some day."
Me too.
Although, you know, there was a feeling of liberation after writing this entry.
#12 ay naku, Mila…. karamihan sa lalaki sa atin ay walang sinasantu…. pati maid, ginaganyo!
Para nang ika 9 beatitude, “Happy are those with faithful husband, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven”.