We finally decided to let the house helper go rather than risk more broken appliances. The feeling of relief after she left was overwhelming. At the same time, it hasn’t been easy making adjustments.
My sleeping pattern was suddenly disrupted and I often feel like falling asleep in front of my laptop. When there was a house helper, I could go back to bed after cooking the kids’ packed school lunches. In fact, as much as possible, I set aside a portion of the dinner so that the house helper would only need to reheat it for the kids’ baon. That way, I didn’t have to get up at 6.00 a.m. But…
This is the fourth day that I had to be up before 6.00 a.m. The first three days have been especially tough because I wasn’t used to sleeping earlier than 3.00 a.m. I was averaging two to three hours of sleep and still had to contend with deadlines for my op-ed column in Manila Standard Today. Last night, for the first time in a long, long, long time, I was finally able to fall asleep before midnight so I didn’t feel so lightheaded today.
It’s not that I have to do ALL the house work. I’ve made arrangements so that the ironing lady doubles as cleaning lady. She comes in four times a week, for half a day each time, to do the cleaning and ironing. But the laundry, well, that’s my domain now (we have a fully automatic washing machine, anyway). Then, there’s the never ending washing and cleaning in the kitchen. This last chore, ironically, turned out to be a good thing.
When we had that last house helper, I stayed away from the kitchen as much as I could. I only went there to cook and that was it. I didn’t linger. I didn’t experiment. To be quite honest, her presence there irritated me because she was a constant reminder of all the broken kitchen appliances, dishes, drinking glasses… I felt jittery every time I had to mount the camera on the tripod to take photos of the food because I felt that one sudden movement from her and my Rebel XT would be history.
Now that there’s just me in the kitchen, the food blog gets updated more often than any of my other blogs, or even more often than all of my other blogs combined. It’s been one experiment after another. The kids have been bringing home-baked goodies for recess. In short, it is true in this case that every bad situation has at least one positive angle.
I raised my daughters with no yaya nor house helper. We only hired one when I went back to work after eight years. And, after we moved here to the suburb and I quit working permanently, we were okay without a house helper for over two years. It’s manageable, actually, except that we — the kids, especially — will miss going on family out-of-town trips again. It just isn’t wise to leave the house empty overnight or, worse, for several days. This is the Philippines and the peace and order situation is no joke. A neighbor lost a brand new vehicle because he made the mistake of leaving it outside the gate overnight. Our washing machine was stolen during our first year here. We couldn’t believe that the robbers lifted the bloody thing over the fence but, apparently, they did.
So, you get the picture when I say that we’d rather not leave the house empty. That’s really one of the most serious reasons for wanting to have a house helper — to act as taong bahay so we could go on short trips, an activity we really love to do as a family.
At any rate, no situation is permanent. There’s bound to be a solution and we just have to find it. Whether it means moving to a safer neighborhood or hiring another house helper, or both.
I see you’ve let her go…i am pretty amazed that you lasted this long after everything that she has broken. You are much kinder than i am kase me if i see that there’s no effort man lang to be careful, i deduct na. Sometimes mas mahirap pa to have helpers around because in a way, tayo pa nakikisama di ba? Ako my goal is by the time my boys are all in high school i am not hiring any more help. 3 able bodied young men plus their dad and I…i don’t see any reason why we need extra help. The surprising thing is, even the kids agree because we feel a lot more relaxed and bonded kung kami kami lang. Sometimes kase they (kasambahay) take their work for granted knowing that they would always find employment elsewhere. I hope you find a solution!
grabe, a washing machine over the fence??
Goodluck with that, but I do hope you find an alternative soon.
2 weeks ago, I was at the laundrymat, I do my laundry once a month so I alloted the whole morning doing the laundry. I’m sure your readers will say what a lazy person I am but I have to go to the hospital after 5:00pm everyday to attend to my Mother who has been hospitalized runing 7 months now.
I’ve noticed a couple of young Pinas that I haven’t seen before in my trips and I commented that they’re now expert in folding, the younger one’s quick response to me was that they never had to do laundry in the Philippines, well, my quick reply is: I know, you have 3 maids working for you, she had to excuse herself that they have to do it in a hurry since they haven’t had breakfast yet and it was already lunchtime.
So, that’s why I’ve been hitting with the queues without any relief for the past few days. hehehe… I hope your good night’s rest was a really good one.
You seem to have the same dilemna as my in-laws. Even their slippers, left outside their front door, mysteriously disappear each and every Sunday morning. Never to be seen again.
Washing machines aren’t that heavy, too, you know. I’ve once seen a thief lift 4 10 wheeler truck wheels from off a truck, jump down to the street and started running as soon as his feet hit the ground. That really evoked a WOW from me and my kids.
A good, permanent solution might be to move to another location. Albeit an expensive one, me thinks. By the way, the lifestyle you describe is one I sooo want to get back into. Lucky you.
What!? The washing machine? And the neighbor’s brand new vehicle? Those are definitely scary experiences. Oh, we have those incidents too, where we live. Plus more (karaoke singing, tricycles).
Re the yaya/househelp, we have managed to have none, almost five years. The children are able to do things for themselves, not relying on anyone, except me, who does not allow it, to do things for them. We have the laundry sent to the cleaners, can’t have an automatic since water distribution schedule is a problem too. Sigh. That’s it, we can’t go anywhere overnight. Not even to my parents house in the province. I asked my daughter Trixie some time ago if she wants to have a househelp. The answer was “no, we don’t need one”.
Nadia, naku I know what you mean by being more relaxed when there’s just the family in the house. The first night after we let the house helper go, Speedy was walking all over the house in his underwear hahahaha
If we can just find a solution to the taong-bahay problem, I’d rather have someone come in a few times a week to do the general cleaning. Just like now.
auee, yep, an automatic washing machine with a capacity of 6.0 kg.
Lorena, 3 maid for a family of, say, 12 would be understandable. But for a family of 3 or 4 with no very young kids, OA naman yun o sobrang tamad.
The Mentat, a better location and an electrified fence. hehehe kapikon talaga kasi nakawan.
julie, naku yang tricycles, even in quieter neighborhoods, they can still be heard. re karaoke, there’s a city ordinance now — no karaoke singing beyong 12 midnight. of course, if it’s been going on all day already, that’s another story especially since i work at home.
I admire women, like yourself, who can manage to get an entire household working perfectly without the need for household help. Sabagay, siguro sanayan lang.
Ditto on your “not leaving the house without anyone” rule. Kami, nilimas ang bahay. TV’s, components, cameras, exercise machine, pati wine rack!!
sabi nga ng mama ko, ok lang na walang katulong, kesa meron nga pero sumasakit naman ang dibdib niya kasi siyempre may minimum expectations pero kahit yon lang hindi maabot. kung walang katulong, magulo man ang buhay, at least she has no one to blame but themselves. pero meron din namang swerte kami, maayos naman. pero kelangang umuwi kasi piyesta o kaya pasko
tapos, ayon na, di na bumabalik.
^ i mean, magulo ang bAhay
I hope you find a trustworthy taong bahay. But don’t leave your help alone for days either– they could always make sabwat with thieves. It’s more painful when you realized someone you trusted is the culprit.
Hubby and I are newlyweds, and we survived a few months of bliss without help. Then our scheds went hectic and we found a reaaaaally great help. When she left, I realized I got too dependent. When we found a replacement na walang alam and broke a lot of our things too, I realized that no help is better than no help ;p
Good luck to us
Hehehe
my bad. i meant no help is better than bad help.
Kongkong, wow, and I thought that the theft of our washing machine was jaw-dropping already. I’m sure that was an entire gang that cleaned out your house.
lady cess, that last helper we had… she was not yet 3 months with us last may and she wanted to go home to the visayas to attend the fiesta. only reason i relented was because she said she wanted to vote also. she said 10 days; she came back after 15 days. ang daming dahilan.
mika, re “they could always make sabwat with thieves”
Naku, that’s why we rarely send house helpers to the sari-sari store to keep them away from the tambays.
ms. connie- here, they ask some family friends to “house sit”.. mostly they spend the night on the weekends and if the family is gone for a week or so- they water the plants, feed the pets and pick up mail and newpaper para hindi nag-pile up sa front yard/porch…para hindi obvious na walang tao sa bahay. fortunately- it’s peaceful and orderly here in san luis obispo, CA. small town kasi.
how about alarm systems? is that available there? expensive?
i grew up in tondo- it’s not as bad as the reputation. we had great neighbors. we keep an eye on each other, in the true sense of kapitbahay. i miss pinas
i hope you figure out things, cause i like short weekend trips. we go at least once a month, or sometimes every other weekend- kahit visit to grandma’s/lola’s or some other friends.
good luck!
he he he welcome to the club connie! Us too had to let go of our maid when on an impulse I decided to check her stuff before she went to her sister’s house for an overnight off. Lo and behold I found some of our stuff in her bag. Grabe! And she has not even stayed for three months with us ang lakas na ng loob mag steal! God is good pa rin kasi at least minor stuff pa lang ang kinuha nya. So, now mas at peace kami sa house kasi family lang talaga!
A suggestion for your out of town trips…..why not get someone you can trust to house sit for you basta lang iwanan mo ng plenty of food to eat while housesitting hehehe.
P.S. Does Speedy know that you’ve told us that he walks around your house in his underwear hi hi hi
Do you have some close relatives that you’d trust to house sit for you once in awhile so you could take those trips that you enjoy?
A close friend just has a day help now that her kids are a bit older. I can’t wait to get rid of this dependency on the yaya too, but am a working single mom and my kids need help. It has been one long trial and error and am glad my present yaya is trustworthy (so I pray). Speaking of robbers, I had an incident in my house this year where my 20-inch TV, CPU and DVD player got stolen in the wee hours. And the police said the only way they could have exited was to go through the guard in the ground floor of our apartment building. But they succeeded just the same. So I can relate with your washing machine story huh
culture shock talaga for teen-agers who are used to having maids in the Phils that when they transplant themselveves here in the USA, they have to forget all about the luxuries such as having maids in the Phils. One more tip, if they come here to do groceries, they have to carry those boxloads of goodies themselves esp if they’re grocerieng at Costco, hindi dito uso yong magpapatulong ka to carry your groceries, kaya magiging katulad sila ni Arnorld Schwazenneger, maskulado, no more high heels, just rubber shoes, otherwise, they can’t get anything done.
Laundrymat activities is me and my daughter’s bonding time when she was still with me. Even her friends comes with us to help. It was fun.
inna, elit and david, we did that before — have Speedy’s younger brother stay over so we could go out of town. But he works so he can only stay Saturday evening. Besides, he’s single so I feel like we’re killing his social life.
ajay, re “trial and error”. EXACTLY! That’s exactly how I feel. Speedy keeps saying we’ll find an ideal house helper someday. Haaaayyy… someday….
Lorena, re groceries. Naku, we’re used to that. From the cart to the trunk of the car. From the garage to the kitchen. From the bags to the kitchen cabinets. Actually, it’s a fun thing especially the part where we open the grocery bags and start going through the loot. hehehe
there really are Filipino families who has at least 3 house helpers even if they are just a small family, one to cook, one to do laundry and house cleaning and one is “yaya” even to the teenagers he hehe,
When my Nanay was the cook for an American couple who lives at Forbes Park, they have a driver/pool cleaner, a house cleaner, and a gardener. then they let me stay in their mansion to play and walk the dogs in the big yard. So I learned as early as my elementary days to do grocery at Rustan’s with them
you know what, that’s one of the reason’s am not so eager to transplant the family in pinas even though my hubby is so eager to stay there — security. pero kahit naman dito meron din, medyo rampant na nga rin e. recent news here in our small city is about this group of youngsters who went into a house where the family was on vacation, at dahil konti lang nakuha nila, they planned to come back kapag andun yung family. they even planned to kidnap the whole family and use chemicals to keep them quiet. the nerve of these 13-16 year old boys! they were caught because their plans where up in the internet to be read by everyone!
Although I left the Philippines many years ago, I still miss many things about home, but having a maid is not one of them. Not that my experience with maids were all that bad, because I’ve had one very good househelp there, who was like family to us. However, it is quite liberating once you get used to not having one. It is scary, though, that you can’t trust that your stuff will still be there when you return from a trip. We also have isolated cases of break-ins here, in the suburb of Toronto, but I still feel safe just locking my doors when I go on long trips, and to expect that everything inside my home will still be there upon my return. I hope you find a trustworthy one (and someone who won’t be breaking more of your appliances), when you decide you need a new maid.
Connie, I love reading about your family activities, and all the interesting information you provide (recipes, restaurants and places to visit). No doubt, your website will help fill my time with delight when I retire. Thank you.
Ay grabe pala ano? Kahit washing machine hindi pinatawad. I can’t blame you for letting your helper go. At least you get help from someone else for ironing and cleaning.
I’m glad that I am used to a helper when I was a teenager because I learned to do things around the house and I didn’t have to adjust when I moved to my own apartment 8 hours away from home.
as for those robber’s, they take advantage when there is a strong typohoon, the water motors were stolen from my friend’s neighborhood in Alabang. My Auntie informed me she was planning to ppt up a barb wire, I said “No” need for the barb wire, we just have to be good neighbors and not be a show off like my other neighbor who got hit by robbers. This was 13 years ago when we were the first group of families to move into the subdivision in Cavite even if there were no electricity yet. Now I have a neighbor whose house looks like Bilibid prison, it is really an eyesore since they built a monster house, no yard at all. They got robbed, I suspect, it was an inside job from her relatives that they don’t go along with since according to them the house has camera and other security devices.
I must be in paradise. In the subdivision where we live, the fences and gates are only waist high. We never lock our gate at night, or when hubby and I are at home, we only lock it when we go out, to keep our very friendly dog IN, not to keep anyone out. Our windows have no iron grilles. Our washing machine and oven are outside the house, in the patio just outside the kitchen door. Our store room outside has no lock.
Most of our neighbors leave their sliding gates open when they leave, so they won’t have to open it when they come home. They leave their bikes, toys, sports gear outside their house, no problem.
When we travel, we put the dog in a dog hotel, we leave the house empty, for anytime from two to four weeks. One neighbor collects our mail while we’re away. Just a few months ago when we went home to the Philippines, I got an urgent email from this neighbor, who asked me if I wanted him to pay our electricity bill which came while we were away, because he was concerned that the date due was up. (He did pay the bill, and I reimbursed him as soon as we got back.)
We have a house help/cleaner who comes once a week, works from 9 AM to 4 PM for the equivalent of about Php450. She drives her own motorbike to come to work, and she brings her own lunch. And she calls to apologize and notify us if she cannot come on the agreed date. She speaks very little English, I speak very little Thai, so we never fight, and there is no chismis or intriga going around.
Like I said, I must be living in paradise. We’re in Thailand.
for our security, low tech lang kami, we always have a Man’s Best Friend inside our home or roaming the yard, kaya regalo ko sa kanila dog bones na binibigay sa akin ng aking suking meat dealer. If we plan to go out of town for a couple of nights, we just let the neighbor know and they are kind enough to feed the dogs
My brother had a maid for several years although hindi masyadong marunong magluto, at least may bantay lang sa mga bata and sa house. The maid married, left, and came back with her son after sya iwanan ng mister nya so tinanggap ulit ng brother ko. Kaso mo, one day paguwi ng kuya ko, the maid told him that somebody called the house saying that my niece met an accident and she is told to meet the guy somewhere in Cubao and to bring my sister-in-law’s jewelry box. Dugo-dugo gang… but stupid as she can be, she did not even bother to call my kuya in his cell or even our house in Marikina w/c she normally do if there is a problem. I have lived with my brother for a long time and I don’t even know where my sister-in-law kept her jewelry box pero sya alam nya! Palagay namin kasabwat sya but of course she won’t admit it! I told my kuya na ipapulis but my kuya just told her to pack her things. My sister-in-law was in Hongkong at the time and when she learned about it, she just cried because some of the jewelries were from her mother pa and ipapamana pa naman nya sa mga anak nya….
raqgold, re peace and order mess is everywhere. TRUE. that’s why we backed off from plans to relocate to another country.
Josie, that’s the kind of idyllic scenario we dream of. being about to leave the house for a few weeks and still find everything to be just as we left them — never mind the dust.
Lorena, we installed barbed wire on the front fence. A lot of neighbors have barbed wires.
Tuesdayy, no you’re making me think of relocating. My goodness, you are living in paradise!
brenda, my sister-in-law had a similar experience. she sent the helper to the supermarket, someone approached the helper to say that my sister-in-law instructed that she hand the money over and she did. in situations like these, it’s hard NOT to believe especially when the alternative is to fire the helper even if, at the back of your mind, you are seriously entertaining the possibility that it isn’t stupidity that’s the problem but wile.
oucch, barb wire, I don’t think I can live with that to see that fence when I wake up. I even get nauseated seeing my neighbor’s high fence. My Mother and I were reminiscing the goold old days when we moved to Bo. BAyanihan (this is located in between Nichols and Magallanes village so when people ask me where I live, I say Magallanes Gilid he he he) I remember the elderly men doing “ronda” everynight, including my father, most of the time I am left alone at the age of 8 since my Mother works stay-in at Forbes Park and my Tatay is a bartender at Seafront so he comes home around 3:00am. and we never experienced being robbed or invaded this was before Martial Law. I think now that people have relocated everywhere that is where the problem start, when you don’t even know who is your next door neighbor.
Hi Connie, grabe your washing machine was stolen pala before. Super galing talaga mga akyat-bahay gang na yan. We also lost 42 fighting cocks here in our small farm just at the back of our home few years ago. They stole the cocks while it’s raining hard. Re the helpers, kakainis talaga pag masira mga appliances kasi di sumusunod sa instructions. Hirap naman ibawas sa sweldo nila kasi la na sila matatangap on pay day. Minsan mas ok talaga lang helper sa bahay.